stArrY stArrY nitEz~

last entry..

2006-08-26T07:42:00.000-07:00

tis is the 100th entry le..once told myself tat tis blog will stop at the 100th entry..and here is it..

a veri painful thing happened..i reali dun noe how to start..before all tis..can i request for something..please do not ask mi anything after reading tis entry..cos i dun wan to be reminded again..thank you reali..

the school is act a place i cried so mani times tis year..tis year hasnt been easy at all..experience alot of things which i nv tot i will cum across..it reali took mi alot..to climb up again and again..after falling again and again..wifout some pple..i would not haf done it..here..i reali wan to thank you..for helping mi again n again..for listening again n again..for comforting again n again..for alwaes n foreva being there..

on fridae i cried again..it came so suddenly..so shocking..i din noe how to react..i din noe something lyk tis can be done to mi..when i ehard it..i was so scared..tat i din noe wat to do..except to run out of the library back to class..at class..when they came..the words they said again..was so painful..i reali din noe how to react..tears jus came out..i reali hate myself..for being so weak..i reali din wan to cry over it..cos it's the third time..but i cant control myself..i dun noe y..i hate myself for being so stupid..i noe it's not worth it at all..but it jus cums out lyk tis..

sometimes i tink im the stupidest person ever..im veri stupid..i dun noe wat to do..i cant guess wat's happening..i dun noe how to handle the situation..hling said its a trap..and fallinf rite in..i noe i am..but i cant stop myself..y..y is all tis happening..am i not good enuff..am i so bad..y..theres so mani q in my mind..but i dunno how to solve it..i dun noe wat to do..i feel so so helpess..i dun noe how to defend myself..facing all tis accusations..

hling sae i trust pple too easily..now i learnt tat..tis world isnt act so simple..it too too complicated..where's the perfect world i alwaes tot of..wheres the beautiful..y muz i suddenly realise tat tis world is act such an ugly place..things i strongly nv believe existed..jus happens lyk tis..wat shall i do..

my heart is broken again and again..do u noe how much hurt ur are causing mi..or do ur noe..but ur are persisting..was it my fault..but y did things became lyk tis..the pple you once tot you trusted so much..but when everything turns the other way round..wat shd i do..

am i such a flawed person..wat shd i do..wifout apple hling n zr..i would haf collapsed long ago..how can i move on..how can i make myself forget everything..how can i make myself accept tat it was all wishful tinking on my part..

it's reali veri heartbreaking..it feels lyk i haf been stabbed again and again..by pple whom i noe..y let mi face all tis now..y let mi noe tat everything is jus a lie..it's all fake..

wat can i do to stop the tears..wat can i do to foeget the fears..the sadness..it jus hurts..perhaps too much for mi to bear..all the pain..im afriad to move on..i dun noe how worse can things can..y can they bear to do all tis to mi..even if i am jus a stranger..will they do tis to a stranger..

my tears are filling my eyes again as im typing tis..but i cant..i muz be strong..i muz face all tis wif courage..i realiw an to go back to 3 yrs ago..to someone who will protect mi..i dun dare to tink..the reasons behind all tis..i dun wan to tink..y are all tis happening..

now i noe the meaning of the word jaded..im jaded..how do i return to beofre..before all tis..how do i face the cold reality..wat shd i do..my heart hurts..badly..betrayed..stabbed..y all tis..was the world i tot of much too perfect..am i such a bad person..how do i stop these tears..who will mend the holes in my heart...

old pictures..memories..

2006-08-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

another personality test...

2006-08-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

If U were born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month U r number 1...

If U were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then U r number 2...

If U were born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then U r number 3...

If U were born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then U r number 4...

If U were born on the 5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then U r number 5...

If U were born on the 6th,15th,24th of any month then U r number 6...

If U were born on the 7th,16th,25th of any month then U r number 7...

If U were born on the 8th,17th,26th of any month then U r number 8... http://yahoogroups.com/group/dewang/join

If U were born on the 9th,18th,27th of any month then U r number 9...

Number 1

You are smart, straight talking, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest,
jealous on competing basis, kind hearted, angry, friendly, authoritive,
famous person...always want to be and regarded as first on people
position,they are often like to be independent, will never be under
others, self confident people!

You are most likely to fall in love in the younger age, but will get
marry when you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views and you are most likely to take revenge over your
enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future. If you are guy you will be very popular that everybody will have mental attraction and respect at you. You can go anywhere from the localshop to the heart of the parliament because you are possitive and well tallented in numerous issues!! But in yourlife you will always have some people who will work hard to bring you & your name down. This is undercover!! Coz of your smart behaviour you will be hated by some people too...

Your family life is very cool,you will have a very nice partner &
wonderful children... You are pioneer, independent & original...

Your best match is 4,6,8 good match is 3,5,7 !!!

Number 2

No matter what, you will be loved by every one coz your ruler is the
Moon and every one loves the Moon. Well.. you are a person who day dream a lot, you have very low-self confidence, you need back up for every move in your life, you are very much unpredictable. Means you do change according to time and circumstances, kind a selfish, have a very strong sense of musical, artistic talent, verbal communication. Your attitudes are like the Moon, comes to gloom and fade away so everybody can expect changes in you. You can be a next Mahatma Gandhi who does peace love or you can be a Hitler who wants to destroy the man kind and peace (I mean in the community and your own home).

If you really have a deep thought about your own believe in God you can
feel the difference which will make you stronger! Most of the time your
words are a kind of would be happening true! So without any knowledge
you can predict the situation.. You will become poets, writers, any
artistic business people!

You are not strong in love, so you will be there and here till you get
marry.. If U r a girl you will be a responsible woman in the whole
family. If U r a man you will involve in fights & arguments in the family or
vice-versa. Means you will sacrifice your life for the goodness sake of
your family...You are gentle , intuitive with a broad vision, a power
behind the scenes, well balanced People!!!

Your best match is 2 ,5 ,9 no other people can put up with you !!!

Number 3

You are a person of hard hearted, selfish most of the times, religious,
loves to climb up in your life. You always tend to have lots of problems
within your family in the early stages but you will put up with everything.. You have the strong word power, pretty happy face.. so wherever you go always you have got what you wanted!!! And from the birth always wanted to work hard in order to achieve something.. You will not get
anything without hard work! When you reach a man/ woman age you want other younger once to listen to you because you want younger people to respect people older than them. You do set so many examples to others. Generally you are not a cool person. It's not easy thing dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you like someone's attitud! e then here you go, what can I say? It will be a lasting friendship. You always have respect from others. Your life seems to have lots of worries and problems but sure they won't be long.. You will always have brilliant kids!!! You love the money a bit too much so temptation will push you to endless trying and trying.. If you are a guy then it's over. Looking after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except 21st born men). And number 3s you will be such an example of how to be in the culture & life!!! If you are girl then you have good character and culture & hardworking attitude. You always follow. You are a freedom lover, creative, ambition focused, a person who brings beauty , hope & joy to this world!!!

Your best match 6 ,9. Good match 1 ,3 ,5 !!!

Number 4

You are very stubborn too, very hard working but unlucky in important
matters in life, very cool, helpful, you have rough wordpower..Might
put lots of people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you are a man, and you often understands others and their problems well. If you are a girl you are very good with studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of the time after girl friends (almost)at times, you will have sort of too much fun life with mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get away with their life and you will become empty handed and don't know what to do.. So be careful!! You love to spend anyway!!! Your good will is you are always there to help family and friends. Tell you what you people are little gem! s, specially the girls.. You always fall in love in younger age as well. You often live with disappointments, for an example you have got a degree in some thing.. but you will be unemployed.. or will do very ordinary jobs. But you will take care of your family very well...All you need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your relations too.. You are radical, patient, persistent, a bit old-fashioned, you live with foundation & order...

Your best Match 1, 8. Good match 5 ,6 , 7 !!!

Number 5

You are very popular within the community, you can get things done by
justchatting..to even enemies! You have a pretty good business mind, you are often have no-idea what is today is like, or tomorrow is like, you are aperson who does anything when your head thinks "lets do this". You will be famous if you open up a business, get involve in share dealings, music etc.. Very popular with sense of humour ,you are the one your friends and families will always ask for help, and you are the one actually get money on credit and help your friends. You will have more than 1 relationship, but when u get settle down you will be a bit selfish anyway. Coz your other half will have a pretty good amount of control in you, be careful! You tendto go for other relationships! Contacts even you are married at times 'coz your popularity.. You are someone who get along with anyone coz the number 5 is the middle number.. Changes & freedom lovers you are! You are an explorer with magic on your face. You learn your life through experience and it's your best teacher!!!

Your best match 1 ,2 ,9. Good match 6 ,8 !!!

Number 6

Ooopppss..you are born to enjoy.. You dont care about others. I mean
you are always want to enjoy your life time, you are a person.. You will be very good in either education or workwise or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), very
beautiful girls and guys, popular and more than lucky with anything in
your lives. All the goodness does come with you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love. You are loveble by any other numbers. But if you are a number 6 man, you will experience kinda looks from most girls and will involve in more than few relationships until you get married. If you are girl, most of you will get marry/engaged early. You are ! a caring
person towards your family & friends . If you miss the half-way mark then you are about to suffer physically and mentally. Generally you will lead a very good inner-home happiness with nothing short of. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good
judgement, and after all you can heal this world wounds to make peace for every life coz you have the great power of caring talent to make this world of love one step further...

Your best match 1, 6, 9. Good match 4, 5!!!

Number 7

You have got the attraction to anyone out there, you are realistic,
very confident, happy, such a talented individual with your education,
music, arts, singing, and most importantly acting too. You have real problems with bad temper! If you are a girl, you are popular with the subjects listed above. You give up things for your parents. I mean you value your family status a lot, you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls, you are a very talented too. Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their marriage life. Only a very few are happy. You have everything in your life, but still always number 7s have some sort of unfullfilness, such worries all their lifetime. It's probably the Lord given you al! l sort of over the standard humans talents and you are about to suffer in family life. So you need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don't, then you might end-up single. So take care with this issue, ok? You are wonderful, friendly, artistic, happy person. You are born to
contribute lots to this world!!!

Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4 !!!

Number 8

You are a very strong personality, there's no one out there will
understand you. You are very good at pointing your finger at some thing and say "this is what". You are more likely to suffer from the early ages. I mean poverty. If your times are not good you might lose either of your
parent and end up looking after your entire family. You often suffer all the way in life. The problems will not allow you to study further, but you will
learn the life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight
for justice and may die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with handful of friends and most of the time live life lonely and always
prepared to help others. Well..once you get married (which is often
late) then your bad lucks will go away a bit and yo! u become safe. You will face un-expected problems such as : the error, government, poisonous animals, accidents. You are some one with great discipline, persistence, courage, strength which will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a fighter!

Your Best match 1 ,4, 8. Good match 5 !!!

Number 9

Hey..you guys are the uncompatible people in the world. You are so
strong, physically and mentally. You are often have big-aims. You will work hard and hard to get there. Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have fighting life. But when you
achieve what you have done, it's always a big task you have done! You are so much respected in the community, you are a person who can make a challenge and successfully finish the matter off. You are very naughty in your younger age, often beaten up by your parents and involve in fights and you seemed to have lots of injuries in your life time. But when u grow you become calm and macho type. Love is not an easy matter for you. You are good in engineering or banking jobs coz people a! lways trust you. Your family life is very good, but will have worries over your children. Your such qualities are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate. You are born to achieve targets and serve every one all equally without any prejudice. You are totally a role model to anybody in the world for a great inspiration.

Your Best match 3, 5, 6, 9. Good match 2

which baby are ya..

2006-08-26T06:55:00.000-07:00

came across tis personality test sent to mi by a fren..tot it was reali quite accurate..so decided to paste it here..=)

Jan
> Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows
>emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth.
>Stubborn. Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days
>that will perfectly balance your personality.
>Feb
> Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever.
>Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental.
>Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
>freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive
>and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes
>unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring
>and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves
>entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside.
>Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
> Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that
>you are a perfect match.
>Mar
> Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive.
>Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
>Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy.
>Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle
>up feelings. Observant and assesses others. If you repost this in the next
>5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.
>Apr
> Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative.
>Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
>work well with others. Very confidant. Sensitive. Positive Attitude.
>Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for
>information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to
>motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing.
>Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music,
>leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this
>in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will introduce themselves and you
>will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.
>May
> Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp
>thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep
>feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no
>motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left
>brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness
>usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak
>breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at
>home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High-spirited. If
>you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you
>do not speak too much in the next 4 days.
>Jun
> You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be
>around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt
>and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It
>is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You
>have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress
>yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will
>meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you
>repost this in 5 minutes.
>Jul
> Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.
>Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation.
>Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful.
>Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody
>and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful.
>Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
>Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions
>carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
>sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking.
>No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the
>past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not
>aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long
>to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost
>someway in the next 12 days
>Aug
> Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. No self-control.
>Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to
>get along with and talk to. Has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. Likes
>talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not
>being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. in need
>of "that someone". Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or
>restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain" caring. Always a suspect. Playful.
>Mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious.
>Independent. Strong willed. A fighter. Repost in 5 mins and you will meet
>the love of your life sometime next month.
>Sept
> Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive
>and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
>Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless.
>Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many
>friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory.
>Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
>Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand. If you do
>not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become
>mad at you in the next 8 days.
>Oct
> Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the
>center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry
>often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making
>friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not
>care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely
>the hottest AND sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not
>meet the love of your life for 10 years.
>Nov
> Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times.
>Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your
>inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive.
>Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and
>very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own.
>Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men
>are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from
>this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. Repost in 5 mins &
>you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month.
>Dec
> This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible...
>Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic.
>Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and
>hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to
>talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated
>to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots
>of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and
>always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke.
>Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative.
>Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show
>character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to
>getting colds. Loves music. Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily
>bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.
>Sensitive. [A hot new guy/girl will catch your eye & you will catch theirs
>too in the next 6 days, if you repost in 5min
>
>
>
>
>

happie bdae..

2006-08-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

it has been a short week..becos of the long holildaes..it was reali quite a good and long break..missed the fireworks in the end..my mum din let mi go and watch..guess haf to wait for next year le..=(

and before i forget..hAPPiE BiRthDaE yUeJiA...=DD 18th bdae le worx..hahax..enjoy yourself and hope all ya dreams cum true k..=)

hahax..funnie things happened on fridae and saturdae..was reali laughing until i teared..coincidence huhs..=PP

.happie national dae.

2006-08-09T02:42:00.000-07:00

todae's national dae..and it's oso my dad's bdae..went out during the morn..till evening..had lunch at a hotel..it was quite nice..lyk the coffee pork ribs and the choc plus strawberry icecream..wanted to buy a wallet for my dad..but it was veri ex..at least $90..din haf enough savings now..so ended buying hush puppy socks for him..tink he nids new pair of socks too..hope he'll lyk it..happie bdae daddy..hahas..=)

went out wif my mum sis and maid yest..cos my mum took an off dae..went bp for lunch and to shop..bought a pair of earrings..my mum refused to buy it for mi cos i haf mani pairs at home..so had to pay for it myself..lyk it veri much cos it's dangling..and theres a small star at the bottom..sweet and nice..hahax..jus luv accessories..though theres alreadi quite alot at home..but arent they jus beautiful..hahax..

and someone went out wif someone to watch fireworks..was happily telling mi..despite the envious look on my face..cos i reali wanted to go and watch..heard it's reali veri beautiful..and was still singing the national dae songs happily and changing the lyrics at the same time..hOh..haha..tis is not a hint..no..it's a hint to my darling t.zr..who watched her fireworks wif..instead of us..fine...hahaX..=Pp

after tat..met hling at lot one to buy my dad's prez..we walked ard oso..till now..im still veri happie she's going for grad nite..cos i noe she reali din wan to go..as it's reali ex..hahax..was quite touched when she said i was one of the reasons she went..hahax..=P looking forward to grad nite..=)

was reading * blog..everything is susceptible to change..isnt it..i grow to realise tat actuali theres so much things tat are so vulnerable..despite putting so much effort previously to grow it carefully..but when you realise tat something you treasured and held onto so much..is suddenly gone..jus lyk tis..it reali breaks your heart..when you noe tat the best way is to let go..and yet you cant..it jus hurts..but perhaps..when you look back years later..you'll realise tat it's jus part and parcel of life..it's jus part of growing up..but is tis the best way of comforting yourself..

there are so mani things i wan to sae..but yet i cant..cos i dunwan to spoil anything..y am i holding onto something no one even cares abt..it breaks my heart..when i realise the amt of trust is all gone..the doubts..the suspicion..the no of daes spent..it jus adds up to nothing..it's still nothing..in the end..

: sa daNcE concert:

2006-08-05T06:51:00.000-07:00

went for sa dance concert wif xue yi..melissa..and wenqiang yest..finally..we met le..it has been more than half a year..missed them reali alot alot..but of cos still got yuejia..but she din cum..tot she was going..miss her alot too..cos she's in hc..but get to see kaiying n mingshu almost everydae..cos they are in nj..reali reali reali looking forward to after a's..then we can meet again..everyone of us..i miss kewen too..it has been almost 2years..

the concert was reali good..the theatre at esplanade was beautiful..it was 4storeys high..the view was beautiful..all the dances were veri good..reali..luv the one abt freedom of woman..tink it was abt women waiting for the return of their lovers..then they were placing lighted lamps on the 'river'..which was act a long long piece of white cloth..hahax..but veri funnie..cos can see pple pulling it at the backstage..luv the music..it was veri sad and touching..wenqiang luv the song too..hahax..we were gushing over it..then mel couldnt stand it..hahax..the dances veri reali beautiful..captivating..engaging..full of emotions..reali worth all the rush and hurry..=) muz thank mel for bringing us there..and..hahas..yups..the dancers were veri pretty..veri veri graceful..after tat..it ended at 10 plus..then we sat outside esplanade..then we tok alot..crap and crap..reali felt lyk jus continue staying there..but it was veri late le..lucky managed to catch the last train back..reached home veri late..past midnite..overall..reali luv the dance concert..esp wif the company of my darls..we made a pact to shop fr gradnite clothes after the a's..
it's a miracle reali..the feeling jus stays there..lyk 2years ago..and it din fade at all..=)

we took some pic..most of it are in out phones..but i dunno how to load them into the com..oni took 2 wif the digital cam..the backgrd is dark becos we were in the theatre..we took them secretly..cos we were act not allowed to take ani pic in the theatre..then one of it was outside esplanade..asked mel's fren to take for us..and ahh..i suspect tat guy lyks her..hahax..=P reason..ahmm..lets see huhs..=Pp

look veri fat in the pic..but nvm..muz put not nice pic in the blog..but it's the pic of four of us..together..=) yest was reali a happie dae..^-^

..random tots..

2006-08-03T05:51:00.000-07:00

its finally fridae tmr..yeA..sa dance nite at esplande..hahax..will get to see them again le..hope the performance will be nice..bought a purple dress at bp plaza todae..hahax..lyk it veri much..cos i tink it looks nice..bleahs..=P then bought a necklace too..it's a blue crystal necklace..spent quite alot..so haf to fork out my own money for the dress and necklace..decided to wear them tmr..hope it'll be nice..=)

tmr is angela's bdae..hahax..still rem a year ago..i blogged abt someone waiting downstaris at angela's house wif a cake..book and bear..hahax..so tis year...ahmm..hahax..we shall noe tmr...;) but shall wish her first...haPPiE biRthDaE dEaR..^-^

hahax..lyk matilda in spore idol..jus luv her voice..it reali touches ya heart..hope she'll win..=D

*
: trust is the basis of all frenships..:*

mondae agains..

2006-07-31T07:36:00.000-07:00

tireds..had bio test todae..it was e entire core syllabut..but couldnt fini..cos it was alot..act jus read thru abt 4 chapters..it was quite okay..tink can pass..din zzZ alot yest..tink oni 3h at most..kept tinking n tinking..i wonder if one dae..i'll fini using my braincells..haha..

im a lucky gal..i was given alot of things..but everything is fair..in return for all the things i was granted..i tink i haf gone thru..perhaps alot more than mani pple..it hasnt been an easy path..hling alwaes comfort mi..saeing..after each experience..i learn alot..it's true..but sometimes..it's jus too much..perhaps it's jus mi..i tink alot..i worrie alot alot..im afraid one dae..when everything cums together..i'll collapse..but the thing tat comforts mi is..i noe whenever i nid help..they will be there..* even though it's 1am at nites..* =D hahas..i'll hang on..i will be brave..

*
:.am i worrying too much..am i tinking too much..wats the key to the answer..shd i continue worrying.:

2006-07-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

last two weeks haf been quite bad..i lost something..but i gained something in return..i suddenly realise how vulerable some things are..but yet how valuable some things are..perhaps quietness is jus a way of protecting myself..

it reali broke my heart to see how things changed..there were so mani times when i reali felt lyk letting go..but yet i cant make myself do it..i feel so silly..for crying over it..alot of things are no longer within my control..perhaps one dae..when theres nth to hold on anymore..i'll gif everything back..

tis fridae..there will be sa dance nite..looking forward to meeting mel..xy..yj..wq they all..it has been more than half a year..reali miss them lots lots lots..

*
蓝色雨已经远离我还在原地来不及吸引你注意
蓝色雨已经远离我还在想你跟自己在演对手戏....*

19.7.2006

2006-07-20T05:37:00.000-07:00

yest was one of the happiest but saddest dae in my life..happie becos of mani adorable children who left mi wif no choice but to smiles n luv them..sad becos in order to play n take care of the children..i left my initial responsibility..which was to take care of e elderly..i knew i was wrong to note takeup my responsibility..but i reali wanted to be wif the children..reali reali missed foster..perhaps i shdnt haf been so stubborn..but..even if i haf to face the music now..i still tink tat it was worth every moment..sigh...stupid stubborn mi..

my mood has been lyk up and down..alot of tots..alot of troubles..i dun noe how everything is going to get resolved..

it jus seems an impossible dream..a far away dream..

* i tot ur understood..i tot ur knew..sometimes..an action jus hurts..can ur see e hidden flawed mi..

.

2006-07-16T00:40:00.000-07:00

tis few daes haf been the worse in my life in nj so far..the shocks jus cum one after another..jus feel lyk keeping everything inside and shut myself..jus feel lyk throwing a temper..but i noe i cant..cos it's my fault..i cant blame anyone..it's solely my fault..i feel lyk crying..but i cant..cos i read a blog before tat saes you can oni cry if you had tried ya best but din get wat you wan..but i din..i din try my best..not at all..i feel so guilty reali..jus feel so upset wif myself..

cts.

2006-07-09T05:46:00.000-07:00

finally the weekends haf arrived..act tis week has been quite short..but yet..it feels so so long..cos we recieved our results almost everydae..results..sigh..reali quite bad..dun noe wat to sae oso..din tok abt it..jus haf a bad feeling inside..but yet dun noe wat to do wif it..i tink it's my fault..cos reali din study hard enough for it..jus feel bad for letting down some pple..esp my parents..

things changed..can feel everyone feeling sad over their results..dun lyk tis sad feeling in school..it seems tat all the fun n laughter are disappearing..i reali miss j1..esp the times when there was astro every fridae and observation..where we could reali lie at the grandstand n jus tok n tok..wif less troubles and worries..jus looking at the stars..but it's no longer so relaxing and carefree now..sometimes i reali look froward to after school..then stay in school to slack for awhile before going home..tis ct made mi guilty reali..but the path seems to be getting harder and harder..

nah..lets tok abt happie things then..tis fridae theres harmo concert..haha..hl's performing..hope it'll be nice..=) someone going wif her aHmM hohx..haha..=P looking forward to sa dance concert..cos will finally be meeting mel they all..missed them alot..but yet..thankfully..the bbq at the end of everyyr reali kip us bonded..haha..yups..those were e daes..=>

fridae stayed back in school for awhile..to watch zr play..haha..it was reali reali so hot..but yet..so mani pple played soccer..sometimes reali admire their passion for soccer..and something quite embarassing happened..especially due to someone's nice nice words rites..hahax..and yea..played touchrugby last thu..realise tat it's act a veri cute n fun game..something lyk catching..ran and screamed alot..haha..hopefully mondae can play again..

so fast the weekends are over le..hopefully my mum will let mi watch the final match tonite..but if reali watch..then tink mondae veri veri tireds le..and theres extra bio lessons..hais..eh..dun noe who will win..lets wait and see then..goodnites..(:

happie bdae mummy..=)

2006-07-03T08:33:00.000-07:00

todae is my mum's bdae..3rd of july..hahax..went to celebrate eyst as a family..ate at tony romas..it was yummy..then todae..my dad n mum went out alone to celebrate..candle light dinner..busy romancing..then left mi n my sis at home..sobs..hahax..but it was so sweet rites..haha..=)

feel so proud..cos i fianlly noe how to transfer the pic from my hp to the com..feel so so so proud..hahax..though it took mi 1h plus..and i tink im taking the long way..but hahas..i still suceeded..these photo is taken wif my hp..lets see whether the resolution is nice..C=

tat's a gray dress worn yest..it was bought together wif roo n cra..theyw abnted to see it for am long time le..haha..so i wore it yest..tot it was quite simple n nice..but my mum said it was too loose..haha..bleahx..

then there's a photo of my grandama..sis n mi on mother's dae..hahax..tink my grandma reali looks nice..she's alreadi 70 plus..but she looks much much younger..haha..=D

act theres mani mani more pic de..but no time le..mum nagging..hahax..it has been so long since i last blogged..still hoping to reach the 100th entry soon..so glads tat cts are over..though i reali tot it was a bad ct..n rem angela saeing tat she wan to be mentioned in the blog..haha..so here is it le..=P tmr's a school holidae..n yea..shopped quite a bit the last few daes..before the great spore sale is over..bought a pair of earring..a braclet..n 2 tops..haha..shall take a pic of it one dae..goodnites..^-^

happie birthdae kor..=)

2006-06-03T08:51:00.000-07:00

todae is chengwei's birthdae..and i forgot..until he called to ask mi out..i felt so bad reali..veri veri guilty..i sdnt haf forgotten his bdae..and he told mi he was waiting at 12am for my msg..cos i wished him at midnite last year...sorry kor..sorry..tried to compensate by asking my frens to send him sms wishing him..so tat he will get mani more wishes..my mum din let mi go down to celebrate his bdae..but he sae can make it up for next week..he sent mi a mms..a picture of him and his galfren together..it was reali so so sweet..though it was jus a normal picture..but it reali looked so sweet..so blessed..felt so happie and touched for him..his nick was so sweet too..it saes..i dropped a tear into the ocean..the dae someone finds it will be the dae i'll stop luving you..so here..wish u a reali happie birthdae..once again..you muz stay happie k..came across tis song..which i tink reali suits both of your..and ya dream on 12/12/12..though it's in chinese..hahas..but..li tink tis is oso wat u wan to sae to shijia rites...=)

愛你　不是因為你的美而已
我越來越愛你　每個眼神觸動我的心
因為你讓我看見Forever　才了解自己
未來這些日子　要好好珍惜
愛我　有些痛楚　有些不公平
如果真的愛我　不是理所當然的決定
感到妳的呼吸在我耳邊　像微風神奇
溫柔的安撫　我的不安定
所以我~要　每天研究你的笑容　Ooh 多麼自然

※ Forever love Forever love　我只想用我這一輩子去愛你
從今以後　你會是所有　幸福的理由 ※

愛情是場最美最遠的旅行
沿途雨季泥濘　偶爾阻礙我們的前進
感到妳的體溫在我懷裡　像陽光和煦
巧妙的融化　我的不安定
不可思議　證明我愛你的理由　Ooh 多麼自然

妳感動的眼睛　我沉默的聲音
彷彿就是最好的證明
就讓我在說一次 I love you oh (直到永遠)

Forever Love Forever Love Forever Love

kor..i wish your foreva luv..take care k..*hugs*..

yea..tmr going to chalet le..at downtown wif my family..there will be bbq..yummy..and..my mum has tickets to escape theme park..i made 2 resolutions..i wan to sit the merry go round..and eat pink coloured candy floss..^-^

collapsed.

2006-05-23T08:07:00.000-07:00

watched da vinci..tot it was reali nice..veri interesting..special ba..jus tat it was quite scary..the self tortue parts was reali bad..covered my eyes for most part of it..n accidentally screamed at one part when the female lead was being strangled..tink i screamed quite loudly..cos pple infront turned n looked back..but maybe..hopefully..they wont noe it's mi..but i tink i muz thank sangee n divya for explaining part of the story to mi before the show..tat's y i can understand half of it without reading the book..nice show reali..C=

i recieved a devastaing news..it reali shocked mi..din noe how to react..instead..i din dare to call..cos im afraid i'll cry when i hear..n worsen the situation..oni asked around if..n i dun noe if i shd believe tat _ has recovered..prayed jus now..i dun noe if it will help..will it..i reali hope it does..it's hearbreaking y something lyk tis happens..i cant imagine the pain..is there anything i can do to lessen the pain..except to divert the attention..perhaps..the oni way is to face up to reality..but i hope you'll realise tat..around you..there is no lack of pple who truly cares for you..and those who will support you all the way..be strong..you nid the courage..we luv you..reali..*hugs*
i suddenly realise..everything is so fragile..so weak..there's nth definite..the most impo thing..is reali to treasure wat we alreadi haf..and the present..

y is so mani things happening..y are both blog entries so sad..when can i type a happy entry again..

* sometimes im reali tired..the burden seems to be increasing..n increasing..im tired of everything le..sometimes i jus hope i dun nid to tink so much..jus hope to reach a decision n find an ending..but i noe tat's not wat i wan..but i cant continue anymore le..tireds..*

lost.

2006-05-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

yest was fantasia..attended the speech dae wif divya..angela..ken..n chai..haha..wore tie for the first time..din noe how to wear..so angela wore for mi..haha..was surprised tat act it din lookv eri bad..jus veri hot..hahax..tink i looked reali lyk a prefect wif it..then after tat..it was fantasia time..

i realiw an to thank bz..alex..esp to cw..n his gf of cos..for wasting so much time to come..i reali miss cw..but wat made mi so happie..it's tat after half a yr wifout spending ani time together..we are still as close..thank you kors..=)

something which i reali hope wont happened..did happen..from tat moment it did..i was reali shocked by the result..i dun noe wat to do..am i tinking too much..am i worrying too much..wat shd i do..wat can i do..tis is the first time im feeling so helpless..i dun noe wat will happen in the future..i dunwan to noe..i dun wan to face wat may happen..i see it coming..but din noe it will be so soon..is it my mistake..i reali regret..perhaps..i shdnt haf shown too much..y is all tis making my inferiority come back again..it's jus my fault..y muz it be when i start to feel abit more confident..n the reaction jus bring mi back again..i reali dun noe wat i shd do..perhaps to other pple..it's so insignificant..but im reali scared..luckily i still haf my pillar of support..i dun wan to continue guessing..tis is the first time im feeling afraid..i dun noe the reason..how can i face it..perhaps..the answer jus boils down to..i will nv be good enough..

school..=)

2006-05-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

it has been so long..even months since i last blogged..tis blog has became stagnant..tink it'll be quite hard for mi to reach my 100 posts target..haha..still at 80..sigh..school..din reali did too well for chem n bio spa..missed out some things in e end..nvm abt tat le..skip tat..
i noticed a change..am i tinkin too much..ken once said i dun haf temper..but is it..actuali i tink my temper is reali quite bad de..sometimes..i'll jus feel angry wif myself..then either i'll blurt it out..or i'll kip reali quiet..it's jus tat..perhaps oni hl has seen it before..haha..cos i'll jus tell her..i feel angry for dunno wat reason todae..then i;ll nag n nag..hahax..i suddenly realised..tat act not mani pple understand the whole of mi completely..haha..i tink im complex..cos i tink too much le..
e pple ard seems so wierd..it seems tat everyone is feeling stressed..it seems tat things changed..i miss e j1 life..theres alot of things i reali wan to sae at tat moment..but now tinking back..i forget again le..nah..forgetting may not be a bad thing..
intuition..instinct..reali strongly believe my instincts for everything related to my frens..n zr proved my predictions true..hahas..it's of cos a good thing..but yet..for myself..i reali find no reason to believe wat i feel..nah..it's mi being too greedy le..perhaps..it's jus too far away..
im contented wif the things im holding on now..n i wont let it go..cos they are too precious le..n yups..im contented..C=

common test

2006-04-05T06:12:00.000-07:00

alot of random tots..did quite badly for my ct i tink..sigh..i tink it doesnt reali matter for mi le..cos i passed the round last yr..whereas i tink hailin's case nis more worrying..sigh..i reali hope mr ng will gif her another chance..not alot of things still not confirmed..muz wait n see ba..
reali dun lyk tis ct..the standard was set so high..then it's unfair for those on probation..cos they still haf to meet the DDOO criteria..they shd haf set it easier..but it's still an unknown..we will haf to wait n see..

todae is a sad dae..cos we recieved all our results..3 of us all cried..hailin was feeling especially down..fiona too..in fact..i wasnt reali..wat bothered mi most..was still something tat passed long long ago..the skill a..i dunno y does it still bother mi so much..alwaes i tink of physics..i'll rem tat i did badly for 3spas in total..especially a skill b n tat skill a..tat will be a total of 10marks of everything..a total of 2grades..even if i get a..which is reali impossible..it'll drop to a c..especially when every teacer is emphasising on how important skill a is..the memory jus hurts..i noe..it's over...theres nth i can do abt it..but i jus kips on brooding over it..i noe..it's so stupid..but yet..i still cant let go..n im afraid of facing mr tay..im afraid he'll cum n tell mi..wat happenened to your skill a..y are all ya practicals so bad..if tat dae reali cums..i guess i'll not noe how to react..

sigh..enough of unhappie things..shall tok abt a sweet sweet thing which i saw last week..went to ntuc wif hl cos i wanted to buy sweets..haha..kk..i lyk to go supermarkets..cos i lyk to buy food..then cook them at home..haha..yups..i tink it's quite wierd..cos pple my age shdnt lyk going to supermarkets or cooking ba..hahax..then when we were walking in..we saw tis guy..maybe 2 or 3 years younger than us ba..he was holding a basket..haha..act quite surprising..cos i tink guys normally dun go supermarkets de..then we were walking behind..then saw tat actuali he was shopping wif his galfrens..they were buying food i tink..hahas..i tot it's reali so sweet..they guy accompanying the gal to a supermarket..or perhaps even the other way..hahas..though it;s reali a small thing..but i tot it was reali especially sweet and rare..C=

n yups..had career fair during civics..then i saw this social service booth..i realised being a childcare teacher is oso under tat category..tot of being a social worker as a job..haha..or maybe being a childcare teacher is better..once tot of opening a childcare when i grow up..but tinking back..it seems quite hard..hmm..shall see how in the future ba..
then when we were toking in the canteen..we were saeing hailin will definitely be a businesswoman when she grows up..i reali agree wif tis..haha..she is definitely capable n independent enough..hahax..then angela is more of a balanced..she can balance well btw work n family..haha..tink tis is the best..as for mi..they sae i'll definitely be a housewife or perhaps a nursery teacher..n they even sae i'll get bullied by kids..haha..though i tink it's impossible cos i din get bullied in foster..so they sae i'll be a housewife..then they were saeing perhaps there'll be a scholarship for bananacake for mi..hahax..but i dun believe..shall eb strong n be lyk angela..haf a nice balance..C= hahax..then we were even toking abt wat age to get engage..get married..etc..hahax..=P

n hafing interact camp tis fridae n saturdae..so i cant go for talent time..but hope sangee meixian n dismas will win..maybe will try to see the rehearsal..=)hope the programmes for interact will not be too scary..nid to gif a tok on foster parenting..hope nth goes wrong..haha..still haven tink of wat to sae..n i tink will not be sleeping le..cos they sae we will be sleeping on tables..n they are so narrow..i'll end up falling onto the ground..so dun dare to sleep le..hope the fridae nites cky will be clear..n full of stars..then we can lie on the track le..looking forward..C:

:_enrichment week_:

2006-03-30T06:55:00.000-08:00

hmm..tis week is enrichment week..mondae..i went for the importance of being kaypoh..hahax..it was reali funnie..i lyked the song which they sang..haha..it was a luv song..=)
then after tat..i went to crash gardenia..saw tat they threw away alot of bread becos of quality control..it was reali such a waste..lyked the tuna bread they made for us..n suddenly felt lyk baking..haha..

wwnt for food trail..was the grp leader for a small grp consisting lakshumie n divya..it was reali fun..we ate alot alot i tink..haha..until the food was piled up to the gullet..;P we ate prawn mee..sugarcane juice..fried carrot cake..chicken rice..milo dinosaur..rojak..n bobochacha..haha..laklak reali wanted to eat popiah..n i reali wanted to eat egg prata..but we din get to eat it..but nvm..it was reali fun..all the crapping..all the sharing..slept alot on the bus..haha..i fell asleep twice..i luv my wives..^^ thank you for making the whole food trail so fun..it would haf been so boring without them..im glad..i din back out..=)

fridae was snow city..zr was sensitive to the cold..so we played the slide together once..n she left the snow area..so it was jus left hl n mi..we played slide again twice..it was fun..haha..but the slide was quite fast n scary..screamed reali reali loud..haha..hl had no rxn de..she din even scream at all..leaving mi screaming so loudly..n it was super cold..reali..all of our hands were freezing..n the jacket din provide much warmth..had to leave the area occasionally before re-entering to escape from the cold..n i put on a pink glove..^^ the best part was the snow fight ba..hahax..played wif apple for awhile..i reali missed her..for the entire enrichment week..oni saw her on fridae..but she betrayed mi..cos she bought an apple of a diff colour n was not pink..='( almost her whole class went for the excursion..haha..so sweet rites..haha..of cos..snow fought wif hl..it was reali quite long..haha..we battled all around..even hid behind the snowman..hahax..we picked snow n threw n threw..till we were lyk almost breathless..haha..enjoyed every moment of it..i tink i won though..hahax..cos my accuracy is better..=P but the sad thing was..as the ground was quite slippery..i almost fell alot of times..but finally..i fell onto the ground..luckily not alot of pple saw..but i was not injured..=) then after tat was ice cream making..it was quite an amazing process..imagaine ice cream made in 5min..it tasted quite nice though..ours was strawberry flavour..but after eating tat..my mouth felt so creamy for a period of time..in all..i reali enjoyed the snow city trip..=)

n sangee got into talent time..yea..im so so happie reali..though i haf heard her sing quite a no of times..but nv reali heard her sing the whole song..hahax..she's going to perform wif meixian..reali looking forward to tat dae..hope they win..C:

will be hafing interact camp tis fridae n saturdae..hmm..im incharged on gifing a talk on foaster..but lucky mi..our group dun reali nid to do any powerpt presentation..n..yEA..foster is not going to end..it's going to start again..in april..but tis time..it's not under us le..means we can haf a choice whether or not to go..it's on voluntary basis..yea..means i'll get to see the children again..hope they'll cum back..dun noe y..but alwaes after foster..i feel reali veri tired..but yet happie..hahax..

n i got fooled on april fool's dae..one was by my daddy..another by alex..n finally from angela..she sent a msg..which saes..urgent..pls call back..then i was lyk reali afraid..cos she rarely sms a msg lyk tis de..so called back lyk 8 times..n she nv pick up..until at last..when she picked up..she said y i nv scroll down when reading the msg..n when i did..it said the person who nv scrolls down is the greatest fool for april fools dae..n i didnt..so stupid..i got tricked by a sms..but luckily..i wasnt the oni one..hahax..cos initially..angela got tricked too..bleahx..=P

haha..i still miss cw..we dun haf any time to meet le..hope he can continue staying in yr2..sigh..i tink i can oni wish att everything goes well for him..including his studies n his life..

sigh..mondae will be the start of school..means haf to wake up at 6am again le..n my mum saes i haf eyebags..dun noe y..despite sleeping for more than 10h eevrydae for the past few daes..i hope the eyebags will disappear soon..

im so happie..cos i adopted an online pet..it's a rabbit..haha..n i chose it to be pink..but i dun noe y it cant move..cos my fren's hamster can move..sigh..i tink i'll go n figure it out..perhaps i din put it properly..but anw..i still luv my rabbit..=)

*you told mi frenship isnt measured by the amt of sacrifices made..i'll sae..it's the path we walked together..despite of its hardness..steepness..n toughness..C:

skill a

2006-03-26T02:23:00.000-08:00

reali dread typing tis..but finally..haf to type it down..i failed my skill a..i chose the wrong independent variable..which means the wholt thing will be wrong..cos it's the most important part in the report..when i went to asked miss khoo..and the look she gaf was reali a face of shock..became so scared..cried..tink it was the longest and worst cry i ever had in nj..shocked hailin angela zhiru n huiling..esp angela n zhiru..cos i failed another skill b before..n tis is the most impo skill..means eventually..i failed my whole prac..called my mum..she din scold mi..instead..she comforted mi..i felt so so guilty..reali..was crying n crying..knew i couldnt stop..so angela n hailin went to fiona's hse first..huiling was beside all the while..she was reali trying her best to calm mi down..i felt so stupid..the error was so stupid..how could i ever make such a big stuid n costly mistake..i dun noe wat happened to mi at the exam hall..stupid mi..i reali felt so so stupid..i shd haf known..i tink i cried for more than 1 hour..shocked everyone i saw..cos oni i cried..stupid mi..i feel so guilty..for disappointing my mum..

in the end..went i went to the grandstand..hl was toking to asg abt the prac..suddenly..when they left..hl cried..tis is the first time since i knew her..i see her crying..cos she was afraid tat she was wrong too..i tink i passed my 'pessimistic tots' to her..sorry..i felt so guilty..she was there all the while when i cried..but yet..when it was her..i felt tat i couldnt do anything..so in the end..we cried together..but veri quickly..we cheered up n stopped..

but tat dae..i was reali touched..tat so mani pple cared..xiuming saw mi..n sent an sms to zhiru to comfort mi..zhiru went all around asking pple if i could still get the structure marks..angela hailin n fiona waited for mi..though ken was in a hurry..they waited all the way till i was back..zr frens..2 gals..asked mi not to be too sad..though i din noe them..n asg was oso there..alex alled at nite to see if i was okay..n finally..hl was there all the while..telling mi not to tink so much..comforting..though she knew the best way was jus to let mi cry..n i would not stop..felt veri touched..thank you..to all those who cared..C:

*to hl..tis is not the first time i cried le..thank you for understanding..reali..if one dae..i had to choose..btw watch n you..i would..you shd noe the answer le..it would still be you..no matter how stupid i am..how stubborn i got..you would still support mi..regardless of the decision..wat more do i wan..nth le..it hasnt been easy all the way..im glad we haf wat we are todae..lyk wat we alwaes sae..crab kangeroo n rabbit were all different animals..wif diff lives..diff personalities..but yet..we came together..we did the impossible..im so proud of it..it's all worth it..reali..hope it will jus be lyk tis..b.frens foreva..luv you..from the veri veri bottom of my heart...=)*

in the end..we went to sukae..luckily we werent late..haha..we ate veri veri happily..it was the first time we went sukae..haha..the funniest part was the watermelon..haha..=P suddenly..i felt so happie..so relieved..tat we were sitting down..together..tat i managed to find watermelon..watermelon lover..n my dearz..i realised it's not easy..to find pple who share the same interests wif you..who crap e same things as you..who laugh the same jokes..who share everything..i felt so so fortunate..these were reali the things tat cheered mi up on fridae..im too fortunate le..reali..thank you for everything..=)

found some photos in my digital camera..some photos taken during chinese new year..wif my family..n cousin..hahas..shall put it here..^-^

my daddy n mi..=)

mi..my sis..n my cousin..^^

my mummy n mi..(=

sisters foreva..=D

my pretty cousin..and mi..^^

foreva luv..=)

.flawed.

2006-03-22T07:04:00.000-08:00

common test was reali quite bad..bio..din study fini..maths..din practise..chem..din study last 5 chapters of organic chem..and everything came out..physics..din even noe how to do the mcq..i dun noe..jus dread recieving the results..hope they wont ask mi to drop..but tat will be weeks later le..

i bought a dress todae..=D hahas..so happie..it's greysih..but my mum saes its too big..but i lyk the colour n design..haha..^^

during the study period...alot of things came into my mind..i suddenly rem a..everything tat happened 3 yrs ago..the first person who praised mi..the first person who gaf mi the confidence..the first person who encouraged mi during my bio midyr..but yet..it became a misuderstanding..the first person who ever made mi regretted..perhaps..it may seem so minor n insignificant to anyone..but everytime..when im studying bio..the tots jus come back..i tink im stupid..cos it had been so long ago..n perhaps it din even matter..but i noe i'll nv forget..if i ever chose again..would i still stick by my decision..if i had changed my decision..would i be happier n less troubled now..did i made a mistake..

im actuali feeling down..i finally knew where did my perfectionism cum from..my expectations of myself..in the e personality area..in the things i do..i alwaes felt tat im so imperfect..no matter wat i do..i noe i can nv be good enough..i alwaes felt tat everyone around mi is so nice..so perfect..but yet im so ugly..so blur..so stupid..im afraid..one dae..i'll hate myself..but my fren scolded mi..she said how can u expect pple to luv you when you dun even luv yourself..perhaps it's true ba..i dun luv myself..or maybe not enough..im afraid i'll be a burden..im not good enough..i dun noe..tis has been there for so long le..a year plus..finally..i've dared to blog it down..i noe i haf reali low selfconfidence..n yet i noe i can nv change tis..i'll alwaes be the inconfident mi..perhaps..i reali haf too mani mani flaws le..

* i lyk my watch..=D *

2006-03-14T06:17:00.000-08:00

it has been long since the last entry..wanted to blog yest yest but the system was down..hahas..finally get to blog todae..=)

slack alot till even todae..sigh..jus cant get down to the rites mood..soon le..soon le..i reali feel lyk going for foaster tis saturdae..but i noe my mum will not let mi go..sigh..haf to wait another month for foster le..

n hafing bad dreams tis 2 daes..i dreamt of robots chasing mi..sobs..big big robots..dun noe y robots..din watch any shows related to robots either..sigh..n i even dreamt of falling thru a long long slide..it was reali scary..it felt so so real..

n i tink i haf almost fully recovered from my cough..hahax..was so happie..can start eating chocolates le..=)

bio spa was okay..hahax..was so relieved..it's the first spa which i tink is alright..n mr tay brought his dog to school on fridae..hahax..it was so so cute..though we din get to touch it..hahax..lyk his fur n eyes..=)
n i feel so so brave..for not being afraid of animals..hahax..see..im brave..angela is afraid of dogs..but im not..=D haha..and im not afraid of rabbits..cats..birds..hamster..but i luv doggy the most..=D

my mum and sis are at downtown chalet now..din get to go..and my dad on the com for mi..secretly..without my mum noeing...hahas..^^

i miss chengwei..it has been so long since we last tok..n worried for his ct..cos they sae if they dun get results which are good enough for tis ct..they will get demoted back to j1..it's reali scary..you muz jiaoux k..for yourself..and for sijia..jiayoux..=)

yups..tis is almost all le..relai looking forward to enrichment week..though it's still abit far away..hahas..i wan to go to snow city! hahax..goodnites..sweet dreamx..^-^

=( sick..

2006-03-05T05:01:00.000-08:00

fridae stayed back to watch the match..hahax..it was quite nice ba..n they got 1-1..hahax..which was reali an improvement..hope they'll win next time..=)

then stayed back in school for awhile..roo left first..was waiting for hl..then we walked out by the side gate thru the track..was disappointed cos..goes..but was happie..cos the sky was so so so pretty..reali..it was full of sparkling bright little stars..it was the nicest sky i haf seen..though there was so meteor..hahas..will nv forget the sight..^-(

fell reali sick..fever..headache..cough..sorethroat..n my ears are hurting..sigh..but everytime lyk tis de..after eating some medicine..then it'll be okay le..my mum sae will bring mi to the doctor tmr nites..hope can make it to school..=)

yest was the last dae for foster le..it made mi realise tat wat the children lack is love..so being volunteers..our part is to gif them the care n luv ba..the way they tok to u..ask questions..is reali so so so sweet..i'll nv forget tis one year plus of foster..perhaps..if the programme restarts again..i'll go..hahas..

worried..disappointed..

`..yoU aRe tHe bEsT..`

2006-03-02T04:16:00.000-08:00

there was half dae todae..becos of the good alevel results..so in the end..there was no pe..yea..i was so so so happie..no 2.4..hahas..n oso no prac..n the best thing is..the physics test tmr will be put forward to mondae..hahax..^-^

sigh..felt troubled todae..was reali down..2 shocks ba..first shock..suddenly realised how big the gap is..a gap tat can nv be bridged..
second shock..something which i heard..reali dun noe how to react le..sigh..tink i owe roo n cra alot..for hearing mi reali nag..n pour out everything..thank you reali..=)

i hope tat f n k can be together foreva..dun let tis threaten ur k..ur will tide thru tis together de..=)

looking forward to foster tis saturdae..it will be the last session..sigh..but maybe i will continue signing up as a volunteer after tis..cos it's reali fulfiling..=)

.pink apple.

2006-02-28T04:37:00.000-08:00

wahx..veri long nv blog le..had so much so much to sae..hahax..firstly..roo joined soccer..! hahax..reali hope she excels arhz..there is a limit i can do ba..except to accompany her when shes training..jiayoux reali k..

n last week..hahax..roo sae i yue4 kan4 yue ke ai..then shuyu saes i yue4 kan4 yue4 chio..hahax..=D was quite happie ba..hahas..then i became more confident..but few daes later..all the confidence disappear again le..=(

then one veri funnit thing happened..last last week..went orchard wif hl..then someone approached to ask us to do a survey on dance..then fini it quite quickly ba..then yest..someone called..n sae the person in doing the surveys aid tat he found mi quite cute n sweet..so he asked if i could come down to the office..it's a company tat train stars such as fiona xie..then they wanted to see if i was suitable..then i told my mum..then she scolded mi..so old le still dreaming of becuming a star..of cos i noe my standards ba..how can i be one..jus wanted to rem wat did i wear on tat dae since it was said to be ncie ba..then i tot n tot..then recalled..i was actuali wearing school uni..hahax..so funnie de..then hl dots mi..she sae they call everyone they can get de..whether they are ugle or pretty..hahax..she so bad lahz..but nvm..=P

luv the show my type b bf..it was so funnie..but yet reali sweet n touching..the middle part was sad cos they broke up..but yet..finally..they reconcile..and it was a happie ever after..hahas..^-^ tink in a relationship..it's reaLi all the small parts tat make it sweet n lasting ba..

tmr got gp make up lesson..which means got double gp le..sobs..n hailin..keep on saeing mi n zihao..everything..she reflects back at mi de..hope tis rumor doesnt spread or last ba..humph..shall tink of another rumor for hailin..=P

n todae..veri embarassing..was at the library..then when i walked back..saw..then was so lost tat i couldnt find my seat..then after a while..finally found my seat..then hailin asked..y i was blushing..din noe i reali blushed..felt so embarassed..hope no one sees it ba..reali becum pink apple le..

went to crash s paper lecture todae..it was reali hard..couldnt understand anything the lecturer was saeing..even fell asleep for awhile..then the worse part was had to do a quiz..but i got 3marks k..wif the help of hl..3/15..bleahx..tink will nv crash le..1h40min of maths..hais..

"..사랑해요.."

2006-02-23T05:06:00.000-08:00

finally..all the tests and pracs are over for tis week..alot happened for the past week..first..went wif hl n her frens to take seoul garden for lunch after the road run..hahax..it was quite funnie..veri crappy..road run waS okay..hahas..walked wif melanie..it was reali a chance for us to noe each other ba..walking partners for tat dae..then the last part..we ran..hahax..so embarassing..cos were the last maybe 20 le..or more..hahax..

then after seoul garden..we went to the bookshop..then read some books on horoscope..tink it's reali quite accurate..at least for my horoscope ba..they sae tat _ and libra can nv be together..sigh..

after tat..we were standing at the entrance toking..then suddenly..a woman came chasing after a man..she was shouting molestor..then the man said something lyk crazy then ran away..it took all of us sometime to register wat she was shouting..and when we wanted to gif chase..he was alreadi gone..and she was crying..felt so guilty for my slow reaction..if i had reacted faster..maybe all of us could haf caught him..molest is reali worse than other things..lyk stealing..cos it will leave a scar de..

on tat dae..alot of pple sae i tink too simply..angela kept trying to persuade mi tat the world isnt tat perfect..later..chingli tried telling mi tat the world isnt tat beautiful..y is tis so..y cant everything n everyone be simple n beautiful..then wont everyone be happie..roo saes tat i'll oni understand after i fall..will i..but meanwhile..im contented le..cos everything is still so nice..reali nth much more to ask for le..

was listening to jj's new songs..lyk e 只对你说..angela saes is jj compose for his korean galfren de..so inside haf i luv ya written in korean..hahas..so sweet..the song oso veri nice..veri sweet..^^

^:..IT BE SO LONG BABY,SO MANY YEARS,SO MANY DAYS,
我心里的这句话，还是想对你说 사랑해요 ..
In my heart we’ll never be apart

每一封简讯传出的思念都对你说
사랑해요 means “I love you”
代表着我离不开你
每分每秒每一个声音
只有你撒娇会让我微笑

사랑해요 只对你说
will love you, and forevermore
我答应, baby you will see
每一个我都属于你..:"

the song veri sweet rites..hahax..sa jiao..hl sae im those will alwaes sa jiao de..will mehz..hahax..jj rulex..^-^

< perhaps..im jus a passerby...
you are the best of the best..
but yet..
im the worse of the worse.. >

tmR no sChooL..^^

2006-02-16T06:04:00.000-08:00

tmr is road run..hahax..melanie n i gou gou shao le..we will walk instead of run..we promise easch other alreadi..haha..got someone pei mi walk le..but im afraid we will be so slow tat even the guys will catch us wif us 30min later..then it'll be so embarassing..hahax..lets see tmr le..

angela asked mi y din i put a tag board..actuali it's becos i dun noe how to put a tag board..hahax..and not alot of pple noe tis blog..so it shd be okay ba..C=

these few daes..my mood has been abit on the roller coaster..haf been tinking n worrying alot..
suddenly i understood y _ felt tis way..it's possible to feel inferior if the other was too good..too perfect..yet mi meself hafing too much flaws..imperfections..i dun dare to luv..cos im afraid im not good enough..it has been nagging mi since last year..sigh..when will my confidence ever cum..

*cra..muz save mi k..cos i tink im reali falling..into the silver pool..

hahas..tink i reali lyk the song..muz thank roo for introducing it to mi..another lyrcis at the end..

`: but i cant escape the truth..
i can nv be wif you..:`

happie vdae..^-^

2006-02-15T06:07:00.000-08:00

happie belated vdae everyone..couldnt go online yest..so oni blogging todae..hahas..yest was..reali a different dae ba..but jus wan to thank everyone for ya presents..hahas..especially my apple..for spending so much time to wrap etc..haha..enjoyed tat dae..=>

and todae..2 horrible thihngs happened..there was a worm on my head..dun noe y..walking halfway..the worm was hanging from a tree..i was reali so scared..got hysterical..luckily hailin calmed mi down and took it away..tis is the seond time..an insect fell on mi..luckily not alot of pple saw mi screaming..sigh..
then..on the way home..was boarding 190..then when the bus turned..then i lost balance and was flung to the front..luckily..a lady beside grabbed hold of mi tightly..then i din flew all the way to the front..sigh..but was reali grateful to the lady..i tink im reali veri lucky le..alwaes..when i nid help..someone will be there de..=D

saw tis on a blog..tot it was reali meaningful..

"Somebody you Love"
&
"Somebody you Like"

In front of the person you love, your heart beats faster.
But in front of the person you like, you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring.
But in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful
winter.

If you look into t! he eyes of the one you love, you blush.
But if you look into the eyes of the one you like, you smile.

In front of the person you love, you can't say everything on your
mind.
But in front of the person you like, you can.

In front of the person you love, you tend to get shy.
But in front of the person you like, you can show your own self.

You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you love.
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you like.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with them.

But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye.
But the feeling of like starts from the ear.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like, all you need to do
is
cover your ears.
But
If you try to close your eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and
remains
in your heart forever.

=) veri sweet..
and yups..im so happie tat roo's efforts paid off..aqua won the song writing competition..she n the group spent so much time on it..but the song was reali nice..and theys ang well..reali..=>
but felt bad cos ignis din win..i tot they were reali good oso..at the audiences were so lively..hahas..we even stood up..
tmr's a long long dae..and theres pe..but the worse is..we are hafing road run on fridae..reali cannot run de..on mondae..after running 2.4..suddenly felt tat everything around mi turned dark..then was spinning..felt lyk fainting.luckily divya was there..held onto her for awhile..then was better..sigh..hope fridae would be okay..but i saw a house wif a swimming pool..it was reali beautiful..hahax..then sometimes..there will be some small dogs de..veri cute..haha..

lastly..wif a quote which is meaningful..but yet..reali sad..

"`..but it's time to face the truth..
i will nv be wif you..'"

false hopes

2006-02-10T06:24:00.000-08:00

felt down todae..cos i couldnt reali do anything except to provide a shoulder..after being thru all tis..i reali do understand..understand tat in the end..it still lies in yourself..to let ur wound heal..time heal all wounds..but..not completely..cos though the wound will eventually heal..it will still leave a scar..

yes..im biased..im jus biased..i reali feel lyk scolding _ up for everything..but i noe i cant interfere..and i noe u wont wan mi to interfere..so i wont..promise..i noe in the end..you'll find ur own way out..the best way out..

i jus cant stop blaming myself for not able to reduce the pain..sorry..i noe u wont wan mi to apologise..but..u will be strong de rites..dun hide everything inside k..jus let it go..it will help de.."nvm, i m a strong person.."..you muz keep true wat u said..*hugs*..you are nv alone..nv was..

..fairytale..tis is all but jus a lie..

:- fairytaLe-:

2006-02-06T05:47:00.000-08:00

it has been quite awhile since i last blogged..haha..went for mcyc appreciation dae last saturdaE..it was okay ba..jus tat not alot of pple went..oni pple from our school n hc..then i got sabo..cos the person in charge oni noe a few names..and i was called up to play a surprise game..then when they open the box..it was filled wif baby bottles..then we haf to fini 150ml of coke/orange juice..drank back facing stage,,cos it was so embarassing..and they were trying to take photos..hahax..bent to one corner..then dun noe y..in the end..i fini it first..then junying sae when i was young..i muz haf drank alot of milk..hahax..bleahz..after tat..all of us felt so full..hahax..

saw my fren's blog..it said wat's ya perception of an ideal guy..is there an ideal person..to mi..if i can be wif someone i luv..and he luvs mi..it's enough le..then happily ever after..hahas..fairytale is it..do fairytales ever exist..

vdae coming le..interact selling roses..hahax..tink red roses are the nicest..hahax..then someone mentioned abt..wat if u see the guy u lyk buying the rose for another gal..last yr vdae was..nah..dun noe..hope tis year..it will be nicest..=)

doggy year =D

2006-01-31T06:12:00.000-08:00

hahas,,happie cyn..kk..i noe it's cyn not cny le..haha..hmm..holidaes seem to pass so quickly..it's school again tmr..cyn was reali fun..ate alot though..sigh..becum fat le..ate alot alot of sweets and candies..yummy..and went to an international buffet restaurant for tuan yuan fan..then it was an expensive restaurant..felt veri guilty and touched..cos my grandma is not reach..but becos of us..my family and relatives..she chose a restuarant which has nice food we all lyked..but expensive..felt so guilty..for her spending on us..but yet touched..i make a resolution le..muz visit her more..spend more time wif her..

last thu..mr tay bought his dog to school..was so surprised when i saw it..at first.i tot it was not real..then it moved..was reali so so so surprised..then went to stroke and cuddle it..it's so so cute..it has white fur..it was my first time touching a real dog..cos my parents nv allowed mi to touch any furry animals..especially dogs and cats..hahax..happie..cos the dog was reali adorable..and i realised it's doggy year tis yr..hahax..yeA..=D

i luv strawberries..^-^

2006-01-22T06:05:00.000-08:00

it has been so long since i last went online..my com was sent for repair for weeks..finally got it back..hahas..nah..so much things to blog until forget wat to blog le..went wif roo n her frens to kap on fridae..toked abt alot of things..though i din understand half of them..but alwaes..i felt tat i learnt alot..

realised tat i alwaes felt veri inferior..im alwaes tinking tat im veri ugly..dun noe..tink i haf veri low self confidence..sigh..

nah..new yr coming le..act reali looking forward to it..cos it'll be a long holidae..and can go relative's house..visit..alot of fun things to do..

yups..dance party was one of the nicest thing tis year..it was reali fun..though din reali dance..cos din noe the dance..and i climbed the sch gate! hahas..it was the first time in 17 yrs in my life climbing the gate..and i suceeded..hahas..though it was quite scary..

measured my ht..im still 158..din grew for 1 yr..but last yr i measured..i was 160cm de..y did i shrink..will i ever reach 160..and angela lahz..still purposely niao hailin n mi..sae gals who are not at elast 160cm talls are not gals..pray pray pray..i'll grow taller oso..and hailin oso..hahax..we will grow taller and prove her wrong..=P

and tis is the first wkend we haf no gp homework..slept alot tis 2 daes..slept till 1pm everydae..hahas..reali becum pig le la..but nvm..sleeping is nice..cos can haf alot of dreams..and..i miss my doggy..cos it's still being hung up for drying..still haf to wait for 2 more daes till it's completely dry..

tmr haf sch again le..tireds..haf to wake up at 550..still looking forward to cyn..and i bought a dress!! hahax..nites..=D

;; 天灰 ;;

2006-01-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

todae was a long long dae..there were no breaks in btw except for lunch..and pe todae was reali reali horrible..had to run..jog..and sprint..i tink i twisted some vein..cos one of my leg is aching..had to do 60 situps..and 40 pushups..i reali cannot cannot do ani pushups de..sigh..reali reali dread pe again on thu..i praying tat it'll rain on thu..so tat there'll be no pe..rain rain..

later..after school went to mcyc..a children care centre..then we drew and cut paper man and jars..hahax..so funnie de..then i finally bought a pink shoe..wif white base at west mall..yea~...my first pink shoe..hahax..no nid to wear white school shoes on wed le..^-^

and tmr is holidae..so can sleep until late late le..hahas..=P
watched the charity show yesterdae..ShE performed..they sang so so well..lyked the song tian hui (sky grey) especially..though it's a sad song..the lyrcis are veri meaningful..but it made mi tink and rem alot..is it good or bad..dunno le..

`*如果你不再出现我的世界还有什么可贵
可惜不够时间让我们试验什么叫永远

想念变成怀念心动变成心碎
偏偏还会关切你最后属于谁

我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经全都熄灭

如果你从没出现我会不会觉得快乐一些
可惜残忍时间总要把诺言一点点摧毁 *`

tireds..candies dreamz..=>

.. 是你太残忍还是我太笨 ..

2006-01-07T07:45:00.000-08:00

finally..my com is okay again..i haf too much to blog tat i cannnot rem wat to blog le..mr tay became our physics teacher..during the first lesson..he told us alot of philosophies..actuali..i felt tat it was veri meaningful..esp the part abt the luv in a family..he said..he had a student who went home late one dae..her parents left dinner for her in containers..when she opened it..she cried..cos 2/3 of the fish was left uneaten..oni abit of the vegetable was eaten..and the prok chop was nearly left untouched..then..wat did both of her parents eat..her parents jus left all the food for her..y..becos they luved her..

though it was veri clique..but..i realised tat tis does alwaes happen in my family..my mum and dad will eat the fish stomach..where there are mani mani bones..leaving the fleshy..boneless parts for my sis and i..suddenly..after hearing the story..tears gathered in my eyes.but i tried my best to blink them away..cos it's so stupid to cry in a physics lesson..but was reali touched..later..angela told us abt her course during sec3..it was a true..but yet abit scary..and reali touching..it made mi reali resolve tat i muz luv my family..yups..=)

actuali i reali had alot alot to blog de..but i forgot wat i wan to blog le..sigh..short term memory..but..ohyahz..i bought a navy green skirt..my mum chose it for mi de..hahas..then my sis bought another pink onne..which is of another design..hahax..

went for foster todae oso..my mum nagging le..shall leave the details to the next entry..tireds..goodnites..C=

hapie new year!

2006-01-01T00:23:00.000-08:00

my com is spoiled again..it is a new com..less than 1 year old..but yet..it's alwaes spoil..sigh..now at my cousin's house..school starting soon..and i haven done any work..except for 2 maths exercise..sigh..it's my fault..was too lazy..reali hope tat the holidaes will nv end..but..it is coming to an end..sigh..time reali flies..saw a website..then it was a countdown to school..urghz..so it was stated..1 dae..6hours..35mins..6 seconds...to school..gosh..dunno who created tis..countdown to school..hais..

and happie new year! hahas..so fast 2006 le..and tis is a dog year..hahas..doggy..2005 has reali been a meaningful year..learnt alot alot..and i tink..i grew up le..hahax..alot of memories..alot..but i muz tell myself to move on..cannot dwell in those past le..alot of things i can nv forget..though i noe it shd haf alreadi been forgotten..cos it's 3 years back..but yet..i still cant..guilty..mixed..i shdnt hold on le..i noe i shdnt..but here am i still doing stupid things..sigh..let it go..let it go..let it go k..

2005..hahas..alot of things happen..but it had been a great yr..cos i met alot of nice pple..hahax..i miss foster..

*Wish list*
~my family will be bonded together foreva..
~my frens will be xing4 fu2 and happie..
~forget my meteor wish..
~haf a new hp..
~my com wont spoil..
~a peaceful year..

tat's all le..hahas..i so greedy..wish so much..tot of mani things suddenly..hais..i will try my best..to forget..

hahas..then cw veri funnie..he told mi...hahax..but i promised him not to sae..hahax..but i wan bribery..eh..a year supply of candy floss..! hahas..so..ahmm..muz noe wat to do le worx..hahas..but nah..i hope wat u sae will cum true oso...cw and..sj..=P

tat's all le..hahas..when tue cums..will haf to climb the tall tall staircase to school again..tireds..tataz..=D

meRRy ChRisTmaS..^-^

2005-12-26T07:17:00.000-08:00

my dearest darlings..reali..c=

went dinner wif roo and cra on the 21th..hahas..we went orchard..then ate at jp..pizza hut! the christmas pizza was so cheesy..hahax..hl couldnt stand it le..then went out wif roo on christmas..went to orchard at nite..hahas..it was reali veri nice..the lightings..alot of pple were there..hahax..veri veri crowded..but could feel the christmas atmosphere..reali veri romantic..bleahz..tis christmas is reali the best in 17 years of my life..hahax..=D

.cHaleT.

2005-12-26T06:44:00.000-08:00

hahas..finally finally get to go online again.had so much to blog tat i forgot wat i wanted to blog le..went to east coast chalet last week..it was a family chalet..hahas..had bbq..went cycling wif my sis and geraldine and my maid..my mum's best fren daughter..she's 1 year younger than my sis..hahas..then we cycled along the sea ba..then i realised tat my cycling skills were the worst..cannnot cycle in a straight line..keep on curving here and there..then nearly fell..luckily in the end managed to keep balanced..my mum still asked mi to try learning roller blades..sigh..i tink it's quite impossible..hahax..but i wan to learn ice skate..maybe next yr ba..when there is a long long holidae..

went to the beach after cycling..it was near evening..saw the sunset..hahas..lyk the orangey reddish tinge..walked along the beach..then played wif the water..bleahx..then while i was walking..i tot i gripped onto the sand beneath tightly..but when the waves came..the sand beneath disappeared..got deeper and deeper into the sand..got more and more helpeless and lost..it was the same feeling again..tot i held on to ya..but in the end..the grip was still lost..foreva..

shoppinG~..

2005-12-17T05:27:00.000-08:00

went shopping wif roo on fridae..we covered alot of areas..it was lyk the whole orchard..then we even went ps..but we spent the most amt of time in far east..managed to find a bag for my mum..and she lyked it..=D hahas..then roo oso found her shoes oso..yups..it's nice..suit her ba..maybe if i haf enough time and money..i'll go and buy a pair of sandals for my sis..then a model person approached roo and mi..hahas..so funny de..then my another fren told mi recently he was oso approached..i tink orchard ahf alot of model pple..hahas..

at far east..i saw someone familiar..hahas..when i turned back..it took mi a second to realise who was it..then got smile ba..but it was reali a shock plus surprise ba..then later went up 2 more storeys to pei roo buy her sandals..then when i walked out of the shop..then i saw the person again..hahax..we were reali reali shocked le..hahax..then got grin abit..then we walked our own ways le..after tat..nv meet again..but..hahax..is tis fate..nah..perhaps coincidences ba..but..hahas..it was reali quite surprising..hahas..pple and pple..but..i reali believe in fate de..strongly..lyk wat roo and my sis alwaes saes..wat is yours will eventualli be yours..but wat is not will nv be..yups..so i believe..if it's mine..no matter how long or how much it takes..it'll alwaes be mine..but if it's not..i'll nv be de..no matter how i try..

after veri veri long..i finally wake up le..hahas..i finally understood..it was a mistake rite from the start..it was my mistake..i was wrong..i shd noe tat it's 2 different pple from 2 different worlds..sorry..sorry..reali thankful to those who has accompanied mi for the entire half year..thank you..hahas..i fell..but im standing up le..and especially to cra..for listening to all the rubbish i blabbered all the time..and to kanger..for alwaes trying to advise mi..to make mi understand..finally..i did..i reali did..and fiona..hahax..for all the pe lessons..hahas..nah..silly mi..

read roo's blog..it made mi tink alot alot alot..agreed..a relationship is actuali a veri veri strong frenship altogether..perhaps..i'll nv ever get into one..cos i dunw an to get hurt..and i noe it take alot alot for mi to recover..perhaps..it's a way of protecting myself secretly..and im still living in a fairytale..though i noe everyone will tell mi it's impossible..i wan my first luv to last foreva..jus lyk in a fairytale..happily ever after..hahas..perhaps..tis is jus mi ba..another stubborn and silly part of mi..

tis was once wat i alwaes tot and believe...

爱着你

是我改不了也不愿改的习惯

要放开哪有那么简单

是你让我了解自己可以为爱那么坚定

不管你做任何决定, 究竟爱我还是逃避

sorry我还是不会放弃爱你..

but now..
it changed le..=>

.:long entry:.

2005-12-14T07:14:00.000-08:00

hahas..nah..it has been a few daes since i last blogged..dun get to use the com..daddy and my sis both using it oso..and..abit of things happened..i did a foolish thing..i dun noe if it's foolish..i dun noe if it's worth doing..i dun noe wat will be the consequences..i dun noe if i regretted doing it..but..sigh..nah..=>

went to do flagdae todae wif angela..hailin and fiona..i tink i din signed up de..but since alreadi reached there le..and it's something good..so went to sign up le..we went to eat breakfast at lau pa sa..then went to raffles place mrt to do the flagdae..i tink im veri timid..cos i dun dare to approach anyone..is it fear of rejection..perhaps so ba..and im jus reali scared of the pple oso..so i jus stood there holding the huge bag..then reali got pple cum up de..hahax..although it's not alot alot..hailin did the most..her bag was reali the heaviest..but..it was reali meaningful..hahax..cos it helps the CHILDREN society..but..im glad pple donated..and yups..hope it helps them ba..meaningful dae~..^-^

then later we went chinatown so tat angela can buy her present..i bought mine too..saw a dress tat looks lyk my last year grad nite dress..hahax..nice..and yups..christmas coming le..and tis sundae hafing family chalet at eastcoast till wednesdae.hope it'll be fun..there will be bbq..and can cycle..shd refine my cycling skills le..i cannot cycle straight de..and yups..there will be..the sea..=D

saw tis veri meaningful astrology website abt horocopes de..wan to dedicate the below to cra..hahax..it has been long..it's a frenship horoscope match..=)

*When Taurus and Libra form a friendship, it can be the unification of two halves of a whole. Both Signs are looking for security, and they share a refinement and love of art, poetry and culture. They can come together harmoniously because they are both trying to achieve the same thing. The friendship may start slowly, and on the surface they might have few common interests, but once they understand each other there is a lot of mutual respect and a realization that there is more in common than they may have first believed.Taurus and Libra both appreciate physical resources, and they often enjoy collecting art and jewelry and patronizing the theater. Emotion and pleasure are important to both Signs, and they complement each other in many ways. Taurus appreciates Libra's charm and diplomacy, and their ability to smooth things over if Taurus doesn't get their way. Libra appreciates the Taurean love of beauty and the little luxuries that come with it. Additionally, Libra can help Taurus see the different sides of a situation, rather than making a decision without knowing all the facts. Conversely, Taurus can help Libra overcome their notorious indecision. Both Taurus and Libra are ruled by the Planet Venus. These friends share a love of beauty and luxury. Libra in particular is about balance, and both friends have charming personalities and a desire for harmony. Together they are able to bring other people culture and beauty unlike any other pair of friends. Also due to Venus' influence, both partners can be lazy, and they may be snobbish: Taurus based on possessions, and Libra based on intellect. ]

Taurus is an Earth Sign, and Libra is an Air Sign. Libra navigates life by pure intellectual exploration, while Taurus is more practical. Taurus asks, 'how will this help me achieve my goals in life?' while Libra simply focuses on intellectual stimuli, practical or not. At times, these friends may find it difficult to understand where the other is coming from. Conflicts can arise in this friendship if Taurus seems too possessive or Libra seems too flirtatious and social. Both need to learn that they view the world in different ways. Taurus is a Fixed Sign, and Libra is a Cardinal Sign. A Fixed Sign won't budge, and Libra needs to understand this stubborn tendency. With some gentle persuasion anything is possible. On the other hand, Libra's indecision may irritate Taurus. Libra is skilled at seeing all sides of a problem, so they are often able to accept Taurus' decision as long as Taurus avoids claiming that theirs is the only right way to solve a problem. If Libra can be the initiator of the duo, Taurus will keep the momentum going.The best aspect of the Taurus-Libra friendship is their mutual appreciation of beauty and culture. Aesthetics are important to both friends, and they share of love of the finer things in life. Their similar tastes and loves make theirs a harmonious friendship.

**hmm..some parts are accurate ba..but some parts are not veri true le..to..our almost 3years of frenship..hahax..

wahx..tis will be a long entry le..and now..to another dearest animal..hahax..the cute little pouched animal..=PP

~*When Gemini and Libra form a friendship, its one of awareness as well as collaborative strength. These friends are equals intellectually. Libra has a balancing spirit that is attractive to Gemini, who also has somewhat of a dual nature. The two are well matched, as both are intellectual Air signs. However, Libra has a tendency to start things and not finish them. If they can encourage each other to choose priorities and follow through, the friendship is destined for success.Both Gemini and Libra have a lot of mental energy, and working together they can come up with great ideas and common goals. Gemini is more apt to stand back and pontificate rather than shining in the spotlight. Libra wants intellectual freedom and is able to look at all sides of an argument to see Gemini's reasoning. When Gemini vacillates, Libra can help stabilize their decisions, but they also need to be careful to allow Gemini intellectual space and not be overly demanding. Libra is ruled by the Planet Venus, and Gemini is ruled by the Planet Mercury. These Planets represent communication and love and romance. Because of this combination, Libra and Gemini get along great as collaborators--they are good at getting their point across in many different ways. They will not have many disagreements, as Libra strives for peace and harmony. Gemini, on the other hand, will regard a debate as a bit of fun and intellectual challenge. Gemini needs to understand that Libra will usually avoid a disagreement at all costs

Both Libra and Gemini are Air Signs. This duality fuels their intellectual bond and keeps it going. Gemini can appreciate the harmony and energy of Libra and can keep up with Libra's tendency to start many things simultaneously. Gemini is able to follow Libra's intellect-oriented lead and jump into multiple projects with an equally intellectual outlook. Both Signs have wide-ranging interests, and Libra's desire to intellectually survey gives them great material for provocative discussion.Gemini is a Mutable Sign, and Libra is a Cardinal Sign. Libra is the initiator of new projects and ideas, and Gemini will accept these ideas as long as they are changeable. When they spend time together, they won't argue over who gets to take the credit for their achievements. Libra is better at starting things than ending them and Gemini is flexible, so if one partner gets bored, the other won't resent moving on to something else.The best aspect of the Gemini-Libra friendship is their ability to get along well as an intellectual team. Together they can expose each other to new and different points of view and areas of interest. Shared motivation and equal intelligence make them highly successful friends.

then for the second part...
*When Cancer and Libra form a friendship, they each supply what the other is lacking. Both Signs are looking for security in their close alliances, and they share an appreciation for beauty and luxury. The two can get along well if they share respect and a common goal. This friendship may start slowly, and at first the two may seem to have little in common. The more they get to know each other, however, the better each person will recognize and respect positive qualities in the other.Cancer and Libra both appreciate emotional and intellectual resources, and they're both suckers for the sentimental. Emotion and happiness are important to both Signs, and they complement each other in many ways. Cancer appreciates Libra's charm and diplomacy, and Libra can tame the wild shrew Cancer becomes when they don't get their way. Libra appreciates the Cancerian love of nurturing and the security that comes with it. Additionally, Libra can help Cancer see the different sides of a situation, rather than making a decision without knowing all the facts. Conversely, Cancer can help cure Libra of their notorious indecision. Cancer is ruled by the Moon and Libra by the Planet Venus. These friends share a love of home, hearth and family. Libra, especially, is about balance, and both share nurturing personalities and a desire for harmony. Together they are able to bring warmth and stability to their friendship like no other pair can. Librans can be snobbish, and Cancer may get their feathers ruffled easily. Cancer is based on emotion, and Libra is based on intellect.
Cancer is a Water Sign, and Libra is an Air Sign. Libra approaches life as a pure mental exploration, while Cancer is more kinesthetic in their attitude. Cancer is happiest when their emotional needs are met, while Libra focuses on what things in life interest them from an intellectual standpoint. At times, these two may have a hard time understanding one another. Conflicts can arise if Cancer seems too crabby or Libra lets their charm lead rather than making intelligent, informed choices. Both need to learn that they view the world in different ways. Cancer and Libra are both Cardinal Signs. In this friendship, both will constantly struggle to be at the steering wheel. Libra's indecision may irritate Cancer. Libra is skilled at seeing all sides of a problem, so they are often able to accept Cancer's decisions as long as Cancer avoids getting Crabby. Both are initiators, which can, at times, be a struggle when their ideas and approach differ. The best aspect of the Cancer-Libra friendly connection is their mutual appreciation of stability and balance. Their similar tastes and ambitions make theirs a friendship of great dedication and harmony.

~^wahz..tis is alot of words..hahax..i tink tis is abit more accurate than cra's..hahax..reali enjoy personality and horoscopes test..perhaps..i reali believe in it ba..

**website..http://astrology.gurl.com **

sorry..tis is a long wordy entry..and i learnt somethings tis few daes from a fren..i asked..y does sometimes..a guy will dislyk the gal when she rejects him..then he answered..*it's not tat he hates her..it's jus tat..he didnt luv her enough in the first place..**
and another one..i asked..y do pple tend to lyk pple who are veri pretty..and goodlooking..then..he asnwered..*~..it's alwaes to luv something tat is beautiful..but to luv somwthing which is not..it's not easy..~*
jus felt tat these words are reali veri meaningful..

i look forward to making resolutions and my thank you list..hahax..cos reali haf alot to write..goodnites..^-^

1/2B foRevA..=>

2005-12-09T20:52:00.000-08:00

bbq yest was reali good..thank you melissa etc for planning everything..hahax..alot of food left oso..then we were lyk stuffing ourselves..the chicken wings wenqiang's maid marinate was reali nice..hahax..wanted to noe the recipe de..but..wenqiang dun noe..hais..hahax..then yupx..we ate alot of bbq marshmellows..3years le..3 years..but yet we were still as close..touched ba..i tink everyone made an effort to keep eveything..still rem the times together..hahax..then when they saw mi..they tot tat someone went to the wrong pit..cos jus rebonded hair ba..then they quite surprised..and melissa said..she's still leaving in the school times when my hair was veri thick..hahax..so she quite shocked to see the change..hahax..nah..are we..perhaps.we are still leaving in the sec2 times ba..those moments..though i tink they will not come across tis blog..but nevertheless..thank you..your made life in rv much more memorable these few years..and hope tat we will haf every year..and yupx..yest.. EVERyone came...hahax..yea...was so happie..total 12 of us..hahax..1/2B rulex foreva..

then before tat went to lot one to meet cw to return him his fren's skirt and another shirt which i borrowed a few weeks ago..then at lot..saw mani pple..mostly rvians..then later we went to junction8 to help him choose his gf's present..hahax..2months anniversary marx..then wanling was waiting for him there oso..then we helped him chose a ring..hahax..reali veri nice..a silver ring wif a crystal on top..and oso a necklace wif a heart shaped pendant..nah..it was reali pretty..then we went haf our lunch..hahax..realised the ice lemon tea at the coffee shop was reali nice..cos they made it themselves de..then at j8..i saw samantha..but tink she din see mi ba..cos it was reali crowded at tat time..then we went to his condo to wait for his fren..hahax..he's shooting another movie again..wif his cca mates..it's a sad love story ba..but nv see it before..tink he shd be completing it soon..

then proceeded to bukit batok to go to mel's condo..then i saw rudy..hahax..then he was holding hands wif..ahmm..hahax..his gf..then he introduced us..then he showed mi tat the keychain i made for him as christmas present last year was still intact..hahax..quite touched ba..hahas..then a few steps later..is aw chingli..then later cherie told mi they went to sia see's house together before the bbq i tink..hahax..nah..saw alot of pple yesterdae..

then yest was eating the small fish..kuning..then i swallowed a bone..it was reali scary..luckily..it was stucked at the upper part of the throat..so managed to get it out..sigh..luckily..otherwise dun noe the consequences le..but nah..got scolded..and nv going to eat tat fish again le..

hahax..haf to go for tuition..tataz~..^-^

shopping..

2005-12-08T06:36:00.000-08:00

went to suntec..bugis..and orchard road yesterdae..saw a veri ncie black halter..lyked the bead designs on top..hahax..it was lyk first few times trying on halter..hmm..it looked nice reali..dun noe y..either it's the mirror or the halter..then i looked slimmer le..hahax..or was it illusion..lyked the halter veri veri much..but dun noe if my mum will allow..so din buy it le..abit quite regret..hahax..but nvm..wardrobe abit too mani clothes le..

and i saw zr at bugis..! hahas..it was lyk so coincidental..was reali veri surprised..they were there to buy some council things i tink..then saw shuyu again..i tink we reali haf fate..everytime i go out..i'll see her de..hahax..tis is the dun noe how mani times le..hahax..

went out wif hl for a while todae..she passed mi somethings..then rushed home to watch zhen ming tian nu le..lyk the show..reali quite sweet..and she was surprised tat i wore veri simple out to lot1..a big t-shirt and shorts..hahax..tink it's her
who influenced mi again le..she said tat natural beauty is the nicest..true ba..i hope tat next time..my bf can see the ugliest and nicest side of mi..perhaps..the most comfortable side is the most important ba..

jus came across a veri meaningful and sweet blog..yupx..it's reali nice..

suddenly realised something..which made my heart sank..it was wrong assumption on my part all these years..it was..it is..

*`one night the moon looked down on me and asked " why dont you leave him if he makes you cry?" and i said.."moon..would you ever leave your sky..."* --kathlin

dun ever wanna fall again..

2005-12-06T07:22:00.000-08:00

nah..muz be happie todae le..cos the previous entires are sad de..hmm..yea~..can finally go out tmr..hahas..my mum let mi go out tmr le..going suntec..hmm..rem last went there wif cw..hahas..i wan marche..=D

finally could wash my hair todae..cos the hairdresser sae 2 daes cannot wash hair de..so yupx..2 daes finally over..it feels nice not to wear a showercap when bathing..hahax..finally..hair smells nice le..=P

finally finish reading hp..it's reali nice..though the ending was sad..reali reali hope tat dumbledore will revive in the last book..hope tat it will haf a nice ending..

and my lips crack le..got skin cum out..hais..my mum saes it's due to lack of water..sigh..haf to drink more le..or maybe buying lipgloss..maybe will help ba..

and yea..hafing bbq tis fridae..hahas..yupx..bbq again..but tis time..it's different de..hafing bbq at melissa's chalet..hahas..finally can get to see them..it's has been quite long le..since halloween..

haf to zzZ early tonite..otherwise cannot wake up at 9 tmr..haf been sleeping alot nowades..waking up at 1pm..hahas..tink i reali becum pig le..but nah..but sleep more tis holidae.cos rarely get to sleep till so late de..

i wan to go sentosa..! haix..but my mum doesnt allow mi to go there..she saes it's dangerous..sigh..oni went there twice before..once veri veri long ago when i was reali young..and once tis year wif the class..roo oso wans to go there..hmm..maybe one dae can go there le..i wan to see sunset..^.^

`..my heart is so disguised
i jus cant live a lie anymore..`

disappointed.

2005-12-05T07:46:00.000-08:00

felt better le..except tat i woke up wif 4 eyelids for each eye..thank you hl..for comforting mi yesterdae..sorry..for scaring you..for crying on the phone for so long..thank you bz..for understanding..and ya mms wif the flowers..thank you..felt better todae le..reali..=>

was disappointed by _ reactions..if you were busy in the first place..then y did you msged and gaf few words answers..haf msgin becum a routine for ya..if it is..then i would rather you did not..sorry..it's my fault..i shdnt haf got upset..perhaps..i dun haf the right to get upset....sorry..i dun haf the right..to expect anything..anymore..

`會不會有一天
當我早晨醒來不再孤單
對你的依戀也漸漸過去
不再有想打電話給你的衝動
不再悲傷
不再心痛

而你
也許早已忘了我的存在..`

cried.

2005-12-04T05:32:00.000-08:00

went to reborn todae at west mall..it took 5 hours..at first..after the hairdresser fini reborning..it was reali veri nice and long..then after tat..she cut alot alot of hair away..then it became shorter..was reali sad..cried when i reached home..cried when toking to huiling..it was a letdown..disappointed..cos waited tis for veri long..when i finally decided..it became lyk tis..felt so angry wif myself..better stop blogging le..dunw an to cry infront of my com..

..我走在沒有你的世界卻走不到永遠..

2005-12-03T04:45:00.000-08:00

was reading harry potter and the half blood prince..borrowed it from my fren..read fini the first 500pages..then left the last 100pages..then i decided to skim and scan through the last 100pages..cos i wanted to noe the ending..then i saw the part where dumbledore died..although i haf alreadi heard from my frens before i read the book..tat he would die..but when i read the part he died..i cried..it was so dark..so frightening..so sad..so scary..wasnt dumbledore known as the person who would n die de..but why..why was he killed..and to be killed in such a way..why did he die for nothing..leaving harry potter behind all by himself..although i knew it was so stupid to cry even when reading harry potter at nite..but couldnt control myself..luckily everyone slept le..so no one saw..sigh..dun dare to fini reading the 100pages le..

went for foster todae..tis time..veri little children turned up..oni about 20 for the senior section..and wh came..=D but neverthless..it was fun ba..but was veri veri tired..lyk no energy le..cos din reali sleep last nite..oni abt 3hours..but..it was still worth it..hahas..and i saw a veri veri cute baby..she's oni 2 months old..but she's reali veri adorable..eyes big big de..hahas..cute cute cute..^-^

*164778..
i reali do..*

`:: 我不想长大 ::'

2005-11-30T04:29:00.000-08:00

these 2 daes stayed at home..hahas..haf been sleeping and eating alot..bleahz..becum pig le..dun noe y..these few daes jus feel veri cold at nite..so there will be many blankets around mi..but still feel cold..sigh..then my mum sae i grew weaker le..and she cooked some type of chinese medicine..bitter bitter de..not nice..tmr ahf tuition..sigh..but luckily ut's at nite..so no nid to wake up early..and yupx..she new album veri veri nice..=D

*慢慢失忆　所有和你的事情必须忘记..
慢慢心痛　没有人发现我和从前不同..
你的眼中　看得见另一个人给的感动..
一直逃避　我以为闭上眼睛就能忘记..
作不成的爱人　变成最好朋友..
别这样下去　我难过　但是说不出口..
可不可以　就放手..　
可不可以　不作你的朋友..*

:: * sweet *::

2005-11-28T11:37:00.000-08:00

veri long nv blog le..sigh..tis few daes my mum dun allow mi to go online..finally haf the chance todae..but not much time left le..so haf to summarise everything within 15 min..

went to roo's chalet..hmm..they were playing xbox..nv played xbox before..hahas..it's about a beach game..actuali it's quite nice ba..suddenly felt tat actuali i've nv played any games before except neopets..which was mani mani years ago le..then later we went for 05s15 chalet..it was reali veri veri huge..double storey somemore de..and the best aprt was..there was a pool infront of their chalet..played in the baby pool..cos it was more shallow..was splashing water at each other..reali veri fun..=D

then we saw a kitten in front of the pool..it was reali veri cute..it's small..then eyes big big de..then it will mew oso..was finding food to feed it..but they din haf any fish or fishballs..so in the end..fed it wif hotdog..it was reali veri pitiful..cos it was alone..and it looked as if it hadnt ate for veri long le..was cuddling it..rarely get to touch animals..cos my mum saes i haf asthma..but..when i grow up..i'll wan to rear a big big golden retriver..and 2 rabbits..^-^

then after tat later at nite.went back to downtown..on the way..toked to roo..alwaes lyk toking to roo..perhaps..she's the one who can open and cheer mi up ba..alwaes feel tat im imperfect..not good enough..she said tat no one can mi perfect..and tat i nv learnt how to luv myself..nv took good care of myself..she said..you muz luv yourself in order for others to luv you..and tat one does not luv someone becos he or she is perfect..she asked mi..why did you feed the cat..you fed becos you were compassionate..the cat was hungry..you felt love for the cat..but was the cat perfect..no..it wasnt..true ba..felt tat wat she said was veri meaningful..understood alot of things..thank you..=)

hahas..tis is going to be a long long entry..haf so mani mani things to sae..then after tat..walked back to the chalet..my mum din let mi stay..sigh..till now..still haven stayed in any chalets before..except family chalets..becos my parents will be there..then mym mum drove mi home cos it was quite late at nite..it was a fun dae ba..=D

then on saturdae..went for foster again..was reali quite happie to see wh( the child im in charged of ) again..as usual..was looking after him..he went around..outside the room..there were some arcades there..then gaf him some money to play..but later..we were told tat we were not supposed to gif or pay for them anything..then after tat..we saw a machine..tat type of machine tat can clip on soft toys de..then if you clip on them sucessfully..you can haf the toy..he asked for money..but couldnt gif him any..it was reali quite heart breaking..to see him lyk plead..heart reali ached..tinking of buying him a toy..but im afraid tat they will not allow us to do so..cos we are not supposed to buy them anything..sigh..reali feel lyk buying him a christmas present..perhaps a soft toy tat he reali wanted ba..then wrap it up for him..and yea..tis sat will haf foster again le..

we went to the fish pond..then he asked mani veri cute questions..lyk y do fish not eat paper..and if kois can be eaten etc..hahas..(= then after he left..suddenly..someone hugged mi from behind..tot it was wh again..but when i turned around..i saw tat it was a small gal..hahas..the one tat i looked after previously a few months ago..was so surprised tat she remembered mi..happie..hahas..=D lyked foster alot..cos foster reali haf alot alot of kids..then even haf babies..saw a veri cute baby..shd oni be lyk 2 months old..but they are taken care by adults de..hahas..children veri cute..reali..=))

yesterdae..hailin n i went to do cip together..it was at orchard..wisma atria..our job was to dress up as fairy..then gif pamphlets..and asked them for donation..to help the 'make a wish' community..to help children wif diseases..such as cancer..sigh..the money will be used to fulfil their wishes..for example..going to disneyland..then we wore a pink pom pom skirt..we even had wings..a fairy wand..and a crown..hahas..then it was reali veir veri veri embarassing..to walk around in the whole wisma atria..alot of pple were looking..and some of them were veri shocked..saw van..then she was reali veri veri surprised..later..hl and bz dropped by..and i saw my co juniors..hahas..luckily they still recognised mi..then they tot i was working..hahas..they said it was cute..bleahz..then someone asked us where we bought the crowns..hahax..so funnie de..

luckily hailin was there..otherwise..would not haf dared to walk around alone..hahas..but the best part was..there were mani mani children at wisma atria..hahas..then they will sae..mummy..got fairy..then some asked..fairy can fly anot..hahas..then a few wanted to touch our wings..hahax..had a nice time gifing them small star stickers..after seeing them..and so mani happie famiies at wisma..felt a sweet feeling..suddenly..i felt tat hafing a family wif mani children is the most fortunate thing in the world..hahas..tis 2 daes..are reali meaningful..enjoyed doing cip..looking forward to saturdae..for foster..^-^

*..
twinkle twinkle little star,
how I wonder what you are.
believe, believe, believe, you are my oni star..*

harry potter and the globet of fire..^.^

2005-11-21T11:57:00.000-08:00

went to watch harry potter todae wif angela and fiona at west mall..i tink the show bluff pple de..it was reali scary..it was the most scary show out of all four..the monsters and all the sound effects..tried veri hard not to scream..sigh..but overall it was reali a great show..lyked it alot..=) but at the last aprt..when cedric died..couldnt stop myself from crying..felt so stupid..crying over harry potter..but overall..it's reali a nice show..muz go watch k..=>

i gaf my heart to you..cos nothing in tis world can compare to you..

2005-11-19T00:27:00.000-08:00

hmm..went to nyjc todae..then after tat to the server room..then after tat when to eat wif cw and ws..went to suntec..walked veri far..was reali tired when i reached home..realised everyone walks veri quickly except mi..so it was lyk half run half walk the whole dae..legs hurting le..and..for the past few daes..was reali careless..my leg was scratched by something..then it left a veri long cut..oni realised it when i reached home..

then the next dae..my hand was scratched by the menu in the cafe..it was quite deep..it bled..then my mum saw when i went home and she scolded..it cut directly across the side of my palm..then my mum said it crossed my luv line..means it will change my luv line..dun noe if it's true ba..but..sigh..let's see how le..

thursdae was fiona's bdae..went to her house to celebrate..hahas..it was reali fun ba..played games..and laughed alot..happie..cos i learnt how to make spring rolls..hahas..then can cook for my dad n sis le..cos they lyk spring rolls..

haf to wake up for tuition tmr again le..goodnites..^-^

computers...

2005-11-18T14:24:00.000-08:00

wif cw and his frens in a wierd weird room called the server room...reali dun noe anything about computers..tink they haf a company which is incharged of selling websites to their customers..and cw sae the room contains all the websites available in singapore..it has veri veri high security..nid passes and passwords de..then saw tis free com here..so went to use..bewildered..cos din noe pple same age as mi are actuali doing tis type of highly advanced things..sigh..feel so ignorant..cos reali dun haf any idea wat they are doing..but tis is considered an eye opener ba..

~:: the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched..
they muz be felt wif the heart..=> ::~

~..爱是心中唯一不变美丽的神话..~

2005-11-17T00:58:00.000-08:00

these 3 daes haf been reali busy..at first..cw wanted mi to help him act in a 15min movie as part of a competition..it was a show abt the luv btw two sisters..was supposed to act as the younger sister..lyked his plot veri much..acted for the first dae..but in the end..the other person could not make it..then the dateline was alreadi approaching..in the end..had to cancelled it..sigh..felt sad for cw..cos i knew he wanted quite badly to join the competition..

tis 3 daes haf been the happiest daes in my life..it was reali happie wif cw and his frens..although half of the time..i din understand wat they were toking abt..but..im happie for cw..cos..i knew he found his true good frens..but then at his house..he quarrelled wif his brother..it was reali veri bad..tis was the first time i've seen him so angry..he shouted..sigh..was reali quite scared..then later..it became better le..after an hour..when his brother left..then everything return bak to normal again le..

tis 3 daes were another happiest and fulfiling moment in my life ba..it made mi see and realise mani things..i hope everything will eventually be alright btw he and his gf..he told mi before..he has too mani burdens..perhaps..if i were him..i would haf collapsed and fallen long ago..but he is brave ba..he has continued till now..i hope he will nv fall..i can oni do my best my lending him a listening ear..thank you..for making realise tat..love is actuali a sacrifice..

it made mi realise tat actuali i luv my kors..perhaps..it is another type of luv ba..they haf become part of my life..i muz remind myself nv to take them for granted..cos it was them who helped mi all the way..it was them who i could relied and depend on all the while..sometimes..i feel tat im hopeless..cos there's nothing i can help them much..instead..it was them who helped mi on the way..i hope..i wish tat they can be happie and safe foreva..perhaps..tis is my biggest wish ba..

luved jay chou new album..it's a veri veri nice album..cos there are mani slow songs..especially hei she mao yi..although it is a sad song..told myself im going to learn how to knit a sweater next time for my first bf..hahas..^-^

~mOrninG~ =)

2005-11-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

morning..hahas..first time get to use com in the morning..cos my dad was using it to check for computer virus..hahax..long time no blog le..

pw is finally over..dun noe y i was so afraid..i was lyk shivering..then could reali hear my own hearbeat..tink my q and a was quite bad..cos i din noe how to answer the teacher's question..sigh..but nvm..it's over le ba..

went to orchard wif fiona on wednesdae..hahas..we shopped alot alot..went to far east..heerens etc..hahas..we walked and walked alot..then we finally ate our lunch oni at 4 plus..ate onion rings..C=
then suddenly..on our way to far east..someone approached us and asked if we wan to be models..we were lyk so shocked..but dun tink it's real ba..cos the person who asked us was lyk younger than us..so we jus declined and walked away..hahax..so funnie de..

managed to buy..a dress..hahax..veri veri long nv wear dress since i was young le..cos last time..when i was yound..luv to wear dresses..when as i grew up..found it harder and hearder to buy dresses..so oni wore skirts..hahas..yEa~..my dress..pink colour oso de..^-^

going for class chalet later at downtown le..hahas..but cannot stay..cos parent dun allow..but..nevertheless..it will be fun ba..looking forward to it..seeyaz..=>

project work...

2005-11-06T11:56:00.000-08:00

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF)

You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.

You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.

You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.

In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.

At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.

With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.

As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.

On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

tis personality tests so funnie de.3 qns then can test ya personality le..hmm..quite true ba..=>

went to the doctor on saturdae..she said it was eye infection..but luckily it has nothing to do wif the contact lens..she gaf antibiotics for application..now''it's better le..C=

went to val's hse at punngol yest and todae..it's reali veri veri far..nid to take a 2 buses and 3 diff trains..so the whole journey was abt lyk 2hours..then it was my first time going to punggol..at the last few stops..there was lyk almost no one on the entire train..felt so alone and scary..then when i board the escalator up to the first floor..couldnt find the exit to the bus interchange..was reali panicking cos there was no one around..then luckily..a cleaner saw mi and asked mi if i nid help..then he brought mi to the level and side leading to the bus interchange..was reali so thankful..there are still mani mani good pple in the world..^-^

haf to memorise my script by tonite..sigh..the actual op will be on tue..which is oni one dae later..sigh..worried..scared..muz reali work hard le..cos tink im still quite bad..mr chia saes i sound sad during the speech..hmm..muz work hard..everyone oso jiayoux k..=)

`my heart cant possibly break when it wasnt even whole to start wif..`

sore eyes..

2005-11-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

went to school for pw early in the morning..then suddenly..my eyes were veri pain..burning pain..then realised the whole left eye was red..tink i scared alot of pple..even my pw teacher..managed to bear through pw..but after tat..during lunch..it was slightly better..not so red le..though it was still pianful..went home..took a nap..then when i woke up at nite..it became veri red again..but tis time..it was even more swollen..my mum said it could not be sore eyes..cos sore eyes wont be swollen..my mum sae it may be becos of contact lens..if it's reali infection..then it will be veri bad le..she was scolding jus now..haf to go to the doctor tmr for a checkup to see wat is wrong..scared..sigh..

*tmr..go to the doctor..tuition..then pw meeting..*

`..because of you
i never stray too far from the sidewalk
because of you
i learned to play on the safe side
so I don't get hurt
because of you
i find it hard to trust
not only me, but everyone around me
because of you
i am afraid..`

en duo avec il divo [i stiLL bElieVe iN yA..]

2005-11-04T01:42:00.000-08:00

went for project work at dawn's house at 9am..then went back around noon..on the way home..i realised i made a big mistake..i took the wrong side of the train..i ended up at orchard instead of choa chu kang..sigh..blur mi again..tis is lyk the second time i took the wrong side of the train tis week..

went out wif my mum and sis in the late afternoon..hahas..we went to mani shopping malls becos my sis wanted to find her new handphone..but it ended up tat none of the shops had the colour..blue..tat she wanted..spent alot of time waiting for them..shopping and walking around..went to jurong pt..west mall..and lot one within lyk 7hours..hahas..C=

as i was sitting down at a bench in a fast food restaurant..i saw a family..the children were playing a bag blown wif air..together wif their parents..although it was reali something veri simple..but yet..they were smiling..laughing happily..couldnt help but smile when i heard and saw the laughters of the young children..hahas..=>

jus fini my i&r draft..it's almost close to 2am..still haf to wake up veri early for op trial run tmr..goodnites..^.^

helpless..

2005-11-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

jus fini medicine..antibiotics again..sigh..hope will recover before mon..or else it will affect oral presentation le..

sorry roo and cra..for letting your worry about mi all tis while..sorry for refusing to listen to all your advices..sorry..for my stubborness..i promise i'll learn to protect myself..

lost..too many mixed feelings..and i feel lyk hiding and bottling everything up..dun wan to bother anyone again..reali dun noe wat to do..everytime i thought i had tot things through..it jus comes back again..everytime something happens..it jus hurts again..

*..
sae you luv mi
眼淚在求救
sae you nid mi..
別讓我難過
我好脆弱不知道該要怎麼做
..*

aFteR chaLet..

2005-11-02T00:27:00.000-08:00

jus came back from chalet..tink im falling sick..veri bad sorethroat..and keep on sneezing nonstop..alot of things to blog..but..abit too tired to finish blogging tonite..hahas..so shall leave details of the chalet to next time le..tired..goodnites..^-^

別把快樂通通都帶走
我的心痛你不懂
請你不要留下我

faLLen.

2005-10-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

todae is the formal last dae of school..had physics spa..was reali scared..cos i thought i did wrongly..the value of the intercept in the graph din telly wif the one obtained by calculation..kept on checking and checking..but still could not manage to find the error..nearly cried at the examination hall..dun noe y..but it happens tat i'll alwaes do badly for physics spa..it has become a form of fear..then later i learnt from my frens tat the value of the intercept is incorrect becos i din start the graph from the origin..means my calcluted value is correct..sigh..was reali relieved..at least..there wont be any more practicals for another two months ba..=)

going for family chalet from sundae to tuesdae..at downtown..hahas..then will haf bbq oso le..yEa..^-^

toked to roo todae during free period..tok about alot of things..we went on to the aims in life..she asked mi wat was my aim in life..the immediate thing tat came to my mind was studies..to be able to get into an university..perhaps..tis is not reali my main aim ba..cos i haf to work hard..in order not to disappoint my parents..she said i shd join alot of other things..to keep myself occupied..she asked wat i would do at free time..reading..watching tv..going online..blogging..chatting on the phone..baking..cooking..and making handicrafts..then she said it was not enough..not fulfiling enough..

guess interact took up quite some of my time oso..besides astronomy..reali looked forward to foster parenting..will be hafing one session each for nov and dec respectively..cos it's oni during foster parenting..when i look at the children there..take care of them..i will forget all my troubles..although it's oni temporary..they are reali adorable..it's oni when im wif them..i'll feel truly happie..so..interact has became a significant part of my life..reali nv ever regret enjoying interact..=>

::` 如果你爱过我你不会就这样走就这样丢下我和那些天真承诺 '::

^::dReaminG::^

2005-10-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

hmm..tis few daes reali busy over pw..oral presentation..alot of things to do..skit..slides..and oso the script..reali worried abt the presentation..cos i'll get nervous easily..during the op course..everyone had to do a speech..then was reali lyk nervous..couldnt tink properly..din noe wat to sae..scared..sigh..and there will be a dry run tmr..praying tat everything will be well on tat dae..

had been tinking alot these few daes..reflecting..tinking..but yet..all the troubles doesnt seem to go away..nv seem to go away..but..i know it will nv ever go away de..

dReaMs
..hope tat one dae..i can go to a funfair..
..sit on a merry go round again..and eat a big big pink colour candy floss..

zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ.zzZ

~wish~

2005-10-23T11:47:00.000-07:00

Life is not measured by the breaths we take...but by the moments that take our breath away.. ^v^

saw tis on an email..11 things you can do to let a wish cum true..
1) laugh often
2) indulge in the things you truly love
3) ..even when it seems hopeless..
4) there is alwaes someone who luvs you more than you noe
5) it will get better..
6) gif it your all
7) be wierd whenever you haf the chance
8) alwaes be up for surprises
9) luv someone wif all of ya heart
10) hold onto good frens..they are few and far between..
11) alwaes try to see the glass half full

make a wish...=>

::* halloween party *::

2005-10-22T08:43:00.000-07:00

last thu was my bdae..hahas..thank you everyone for remembering my bdae..was surprised tat my juniors remembered..hahax..=DD lyked the presents veri much..angela..hailin..fiona bought mi a big big winnie the pooh pillow..=> thank you..my kors for wishing at midnite..and hl for being the last person to wish mi at exactly 1159..hahas..purposely stayed up to wait for her sms..=P

went for halloween party at nj yesterdae..was reali happie tat wenqiang..xueyi and yuejia came over from hc..wenqiang..thank you gal..for the personalised heartshaped necklace..=)went for horror trail wif them..actuali at the begining..yuejia n i were starting to regret..cos they said it would reali be scary..then we started off at the back of the basketball court..near the banana trees..nv walked there before..the whole journey was scary..it was reali dark..then suddenly someone will appear to scare you..they were dressed up..had paint on their face..screamed alot..it was the first time i felt so afraid in nj..then i tink i shocked wenqiang they all..cos they were trying to calm mi down..but felt a sense of achievement..cos i managed to finish the entire horror trail..=D
but on the way back..xueyi n her another fren was still trying to scare mi..n they succeeded..cos suddenly they threw something from behind while walking..and they were still telling ghost stories at the bus stop..then yue jia n mi ran away to the other side of the bus stop..reached home quite late..at around midnite..and it was quite scary on the way home..but nevertheless..it was a fun dae ba..goodnites..^v^

^..我不再相信你
卻又慢慢想起你..^

falling..

2005-10-17T11:56:00.000-07:00

actuali reali worried over promos..but sigh..tink i deserved it..for not studying enough..sigh..reali dread recieving the results back..

todae angela said tat if you drop an eyelash..then can blow it away on your finger and make a wish..then the wish will cum true..=> hahas..so farnie de..so means next time if you wan to make a wish..muz drop one eyelash le..=P

.perfect you.
.imperfect mi.

`..if i aint got you..`

2005-10-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

tmr is open dae..nid to reach school by 8..tired..then after tat still hafing maths tuition..but actuali quite looking forward to tmr..cos there will be alot of programmes and performances..hahas..and they sae there will be two mass dances sessions tmr..then regardless of wat you are doing..you muz dance..meaning..if you are in the midst of ushering..you muz still dance..hmm..dun noe..hahas..dun tink will dare to dance..unless there's someone i noe beside mi..then the best thing is..hahas..volunteers can haf free flow of candy floss..hahas..yEa~..^v^ reali luv luv candy floss..hahas..then maybe it's pink colour oso de..hahas..happie..=D

"..some people want it all..
..but i dun want nothing at all..
..if it aint you..
..if i aint got you..
..some people want diamond rings..
..some jus want everything..
..but everything means nothing..
..if i aint got ya.."

..thOugHts..

2005-10-13T00:21:00.000-07:00

had open dae tok todae for about an hour..then had to stay back in the hall to learn mass dance again..they reali taught the whole dance..hahas..dismas was teaching..then reali veri funnie..the last dance..summer sunshine..then is wellow wellow wosh..dismas said ohwell ohwell..hahax..everyone was laughing..then purposely disturb him by saeing ohwell ohwell for later parts of the enitre song..=P
after tat the councillors haf meeting in the student lounge..so went to the canteen to wait for roo..meanwhile it was the rehearsal for the concert on open dae..watched for quite some time while waiting..hahax..lyked the angklung oerformances..and the western dance..western dance was reali veri cool..hahax..but din manage to finish watching all the performances..after tat walked out of school wif roo..

rushed home to watch frog prince..reali lyked tat show alot alot alot..yest was pride final episode..it was a happie ending..hahas..they finally managed to end up together..hahas..*maybe*..^-^

addicted to frog prince le..it's sad..but sometimes yet happie..sweet..alot of things happened recently..and roo told mi not to believe in idealised love..becos it does not exist at all..she said there is no eternality in real life..is it true..?
in frog prince..he asked her..do you believe in everlasting love..she said yes..and when he asked her the reason..she said..believing is a form of blessing..
but deep down..i noe i'll still continue believing..though it's never possible..
perhaps..one dae..when i fall..fall hardly and painfully..i'll realise wat roo alwaes said is true..

~` sundae`~

2005-10-10T00:26:00.000-07:00

tired..went to suntec yest wif small kor..went to suntec..managed to find a present for his fren..hahas..it was 2 veri cute pigs..pink in colour de..hahas..=) then walked around for sometime..went to a puzzle shop oso..there were alot of reali ncie puzzles there..hahas..lyked the ones wif horoscopes..then there was one wif 2 dolphins in the sea..hahas..reali veri nice..went back at around 6 plus..then ate dinner wif family..=>

Artist: backstreet boys
Song name: never gone

I really miss you
There's something that I gotta say

The things we did
The things we said
Keep coming back to me and make me smile again
You showed me how, to face the truth
Everythings thats good in me I owe to you

Though the distance thats between us now may seem to be to far
It will never seperate us deep inside I know you are

Never Gone, never far in my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday, every step along the way
Even though for now we've got to say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life
Never gone

I walk alone, these empty streets
There is not a second you're not here with me
The love you gave, the grace you've shown
Will always give me strength and be my corner stone
So how you found a way to see the best I have in me
As long as time goes on, I swear to you that you will be

Never Gone, never far in my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday, every step along the way
Even though for now we've got to say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life
Never gone

If theres one thing I believe
I believe
I will see you somewhere down the road again

~ saturdae ~

2005-10-08T11:47:00.000-07:00

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child.
Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded.
You cherish all of the details in life.
Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

went to fiona house to teach her how to make wanton for her brother's bdae..hahas..we went to buy the ingrediants..then went to her house to start making..it took us some time..then while making..we were oso eating..hahas..nice!! =P then waited for her parents and brother to cum back..then ate together..hahas..luckily they said it was nice..hahax..yea~..=D then they treated mi to dinner together as a form of thanking mi..hahas..ate western food..it was reali nice oso..hahas..lyked the dessert..then went back home..hahas..act there's reali alot of coincidences btw us..same name..same class..and we live in the same block oso..hahas..mayb tmr can go to her house to pass her the present for her bro bdae..and oso to play wif her hamsters..but dun noe y the hamsters lyk alwaes sleeping de..hmm..but maybe they may wake up tmr..tiredz..goodnites..^-^

`..发现自己比想象中爱你..`

orchArD~

2005-10-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

promos is over le..it was reali bad..all the papers are so hard..sigh..jus hoping tat i can keep my 4 subs..but i tink cannot le..reali cant find any sub tat im confident of getting d..sigh..
went to orchard todae wif huiling n roo..hahas..went wif hl first..then roo joined us later after her council things..we went shopping..hahas..walked until veri tired..then when we were at cenileisure..then suddenly i stepped on my shoe n nearly fell..was lyk half lost balance..luckily managed to regain balance..otherwise would haf fell on one side le..tink alot of pple were veri shocked..sigh..then later on the way walking to far east..nearly fell again..but the worse was on the way..someone stopped us and promoted abt an eyebrow shaping..then roo decided to try..then he was shaping roo's eyebrow's at one corner..then i was reali veri scared..cos he din look lyk someone good..reali dun now wat will happen..then luckily int he end it was okay..sigh..scared..y suddenly someone will appear de..sigh..
later roo went to kbox to find xiuming etc..then followed her..then we heard them sing a few songs..hahas..veri veri funny..got singing..expressions..plus actions de..hahax..then got dong jie oso..then later went back by train le..reali enjoyed todae..=D

personality tests..=>

2005-09-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

You Are 10% Boyish and 90% Girlish

Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine.
You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you.
A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down.
But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give completely and unconditionally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

happiE birtHdaE..^v^

2005-09-24T11:53:00.000-07:00

todae is my sis bdae...hahas..HAPPIE BIRTHDAE DEARZ..may all your wishes cum true..and hope tat you can do well for streaming tis year..=D

went to sushi tei to celebrate..hahas..then had fruit cake oso..sis blew the candles..made a wish..then they went to lot one to watch the myth..but i stayed at home..cos too tired le..still haf tuition tmr in the morning..

gp was reali veri bad..din understand the entire essay..esp the aq..reali din noe how to do..and the vocab section..sigh..reali hope tat at least can pass..

mum scolding le..sigh.haf to sign off..reali reali looking forward to after promo..nites..

丝路

2005-09-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

如果流浪是你的天赋
那么你一定是我最美的追逐

如果爱情是你的游牧
拥有过是不是该满足

谁带我踏上孤独的丝路
追逐你的脚步

谁带我离开孤独的丝路
感受你的温度

我将眼泪流成天山上面的湖
让你疲倦时能够扎营停驻

强敌深湖玄武
为你笑为你哭

爱上你的全部放弃我的全部
爱上了你之后我开始领悟

陪你走了一段最唯美的国度
爱上了你之后我从来不哭

谁是谁的幸福我从来不在乎
谁是谁的旅途我只要你记住

星星就是穷人的珍珠
你的笑支撑着我虔诚的最初

狂风沙是我单薄衣服
穿越过亚细亚的迷雾
云破日出

你是那道光束带着平凡的我
走过奇迹旅途

梁静茹

lyk tis song veri much..cos it's veri beautiful..hahas..veri sweet..suddenly got temptation to buy fish leong's album..maybe after the promos ba..then got more time..sigh..promos haven over but yet alreadi coming up wif a whole list of things to do after promos..tis fridae is gp..sigh..hope at least will pass ba..jiayoux..=)

`you told mi wat i wanted to hear..but is it jus another complete lie..`

r* =D

2005-09-12T02:06:00.000-07:00

was reading r's blog..then came across one of her most recent entries..was reali touched by what she wrote..it was abt why she believed in wat she believed..realised she went through alot..but wat is the most important part is she managed to pull through and she is wat she is todae..the real r..

*`an extract from her blog..`*
Motivation is the drive behind an action. If your motivation is to bring good to yourself and/or other people without jeopadising their happiness, you're always right no matter what the action brings. Perhaps, the action may unintentionally hurt other people, but the effort to bring good is always there. But then, if the motivation is for a selfish reason and that you know it will hurt others, it is seriously wrong. Whether the action may seem good or not will never erase the wrong motivation you harbour.

Therefore, what is right is decided by the effort to be selfless, not God.

i miss ya

2005-09-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

had bio spa todae..drew a straight line instead of a curve..which means all the explanation wrong le..sigh..feel so stupid again..

went for doctor appointment at nuh..becos of low blood..then sometimes will feel giddy..the appointment was okay ba..my mum went wif mi..but waited for the doctor for veri long..hahas..until veri hungry..the doctor was quite nice ba..veri friendly..not lyk tat type of fierce fierce de..there was lyk quite a big machine to measure blood pressure de..he took once my blood pressure once when i was sitting down..after tat standing up oso need..then he took the second time..then when i stood up.he suddenly tok to mi abt school..then after tat then he said..it's becos i was quite scared n kept on looking at the meter..so maybe will affect the readings..so he asked mi something to divert my attention..hahas..so funny de..then he gaf mi medicine to eat..sigh..muz eat everydae for 2 months..then 2 months later go back to see him again..went to eat dinner after tat..then it was home sweetz home le..=>

sigh..tmr haf pw meeting in the morning..then later haf tuition..after tat there's dinner at a hotel cos it's my grandma's bdae..tiredz..but veri coincidentally fiona oso hafing wedding dinner..hahas..then she said maybe when going down the lift can meet each other..cos i oni live 2 storeys below her..hahas..then can see how each other look lyk after dolling up..hahax..let's see ba..maybe we reali haf fate..(",)

hoW dO i liVe..

2005-09-07T02:36:00.000-07:00

How Do I Live" by leann rimes

How do I,
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I need....
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Good in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?

heard tis song recently from an old disc..found it veri nice..maybe tis will be the last time i can go online until the promos are over..unless my mum allows mi to go online to do pw..bio spa tis fridae again..hope everything goes well..alot of things to sae..but suddenly dun noe wat to type le..jus keep everything in my heart..hahas..tired..goodnitez..candy dreamZ..^.^

*~` im a big big gal..
in a big big world..
it's not a big big thing..
if you leave mi..
but i do do do..
and i will will will..
miss you much.. `~*

teAcheRs' dAe..

2005-09-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

teachers' dae celebration was held at the parade square..there was the aces dae workout..but dun noe y changed to something different..kick boxing..hahas..din reali noe how to do..so ended up standing at the back wif sangee etc..later there was the concert..hahas..lyked the danced by the malay dance society..and oso the rockbands..hahas..then later..they played the mass dance songs..! hahas..lyk quite long n dnace mass dance le..danced wif peiying..reali veri fun..then after tat hailin and peiying became veri interested in the dance..hahas..they were even toking abt it in class..yupx..later became classtime..the teachers same..mr ng..mr lim..mrs kong and mr chia..then we played zong ji mi ma..then if they lose they haf to forfeit..the funniest part was mr lim and mr chia dancing together..hahas..
went back to rv wif hl..saw alot of 2b frens..hahas..lyk so long nv meet le..reali gald to see them..we promised le..after promos muz go out for many many daes..=> after tat 4c went to the food centre to eat wif mr choy..talked and laughed alot..but the most shocking part was tat shining is going to leave to further her studies in canada..y..sigh..she's going to leave for 5 years..it has been so long since i last saw her..reali miss her alot..y is so many pple leaving..first is michelle..then is xinying..and now is shining..hope tat everything will go well ba..and tat they will truly be happie...
passion pursuit dae was on fridae..pei zhiru in the student lounge for an hour plus..then decided to go for ballroom dancing..hahas..it was reali quite fun..danced wif huiying..hahas..tink she danced before..so it was her who was leading mi..then after tat the two teachers in charged danced together..it was reali beautiful..they danced veri well..veri graceful de..hahas..aspire to dance lyk them..=P
after passion pursuit dae..zr hl n i went out..hahas..we went to causeway to eat pizza hut..veri yummy..so long nv go out together le..then we went window shopping..walked around n tok..hahas..missed roo alot..cos it has been so long since we last went out together..bought a pair of earrings..=> hl and i pei zr to take the train to je..then take back to cck..then..it was finally home time..^.^

*.mingshu.xueyi.melissa.kaiying.yuejia.wenqiang.fiona.*
^.1b/2b foreva.^ =>

starZ..

2005-08-30T11:25:00.000-07:00

actuali was tying tis entry yesterdae..but halfway my mum shut off the com..cos she din let mi use too long..sigh..so haf to retype le..

last last fridae was colours award..cca ceremony..went to crash..cos hl was performing..then wanted to see her perfrom..so went wif yl..sat at the co area cos she's from co..at first i tot the person beside mi was zenwea..cos he suddenly tok.. they reali look alyk..and their specs look the same..but then later after sometime i realised zenwea is not in njco le..then realised it's another person..hahax..but the worse part was after the ceremony..i realised he was the president of co..which means i crashed colours award..sitting beside the co pres..hahas..but surprisingly..he nv scold de..hahas..phew..=> hl performed harmonica..veri veri nice..songs veri touching..hahas..then still got indian dance..veri funny..but tot the best was angklung..din expected tat actuali the songs tat angklung play are so captivating..veri sweet and nice..

it ended at around 9..then later was dance nite..hahas..veri few pple reali dance..alot went back..oni the indian dance pple were dancing..hahas..they were reali good..so most of us jus stayed around to watch them..then later hl came..there were alot of balloons around..so we jus played wif the balloons..hahas..lyk veri childish..but was reali fun..wif so many balloons around..and luckily none of them burst..hahas..=)
when the dance nite ended..the side gate was locked..din dare to go by the main gate cos it's veri far and dark..waited at the grandstand near the field wif hl..hahas..then was toking..singing songs..then suddenly hl pointed to the sky..there was a meteor star..reali..it was falling towards us..it was beautiful..first time see a meteor star..made a wish..hahas..then asked hl to faster make a wish oso..mayb becos she doesnt reali believe ba..hahas..but nvm..in the end she still made a wish..is it true tat if you see a meteor star and make a wish..it will come true...

fiona and angela came to meet mi after my tuition on saturdae..hahas..fiona wore until veri veri nice..veri short shorts..and a sleveless shirt..hahas..then they complained my skirt too long..it was above the knee ba..then din dare to wear
spaghetti strap alone..so wore else something outside oso..then fiona sae shdnt haf worn something else outside..then got nagged..hahas..realised her dressings style and mine so different de..lyk she dare to wear tubes veri short skirts etc..hahas..then she sae wan to change clothes wif mi sometime..but surely cannot le..cos kor dun let mi wear too short skirts..so odd de..mayb diff pple got opposite views ba..but fiona..you shd continue wearing ya style ba..cos i tink it suits ya reali veri perfectly..hahas..mei nu worz..=PP

then after tat went to jp wif hl..went to the library..hahas..then veri funny de..got one veri young gal..abt a few years old ba..we played something lyk hide and seek..hahas..lyk we are on two diff sides of the bookshelve..then muz find each other through the gaps between the books..hahas..she veri cute..laugh until veri happie de..^.^ after tat ate dinner then went home le..

fio wrote a letter and gaf it to mi yesterdae..was reading it on the way to chem tutorial..cried..was reali touched cos dun expect her to write suddenly..secondly becos of the sad quotes and the song..and it reminded mi of alot of things..luckily no one saw ba..it suddenly made mi realised i reali treasure the frenship btw the four of us..thank you for being there all tis while..your rule my world reali..~thAnK yoU~..=)

`lost once again`

2005-08-25T11:30:00.000-07:00

fnally all the tests and practicals are over..actuali reali alot of things wanted to blog..decided to leave it to sometime later ba..y am i here again..wat is happening..wat shd i do..confused..lost once again..

*~maybe my luv will come back somedae..
oni heaven knows..
maybe our hearts will find their way..
oni heaven knows..
all i can do is hope and pray..
cos heaven knows..~*

biO sPa..

2005-08-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

lyk two daes nv blog le..hahas..finally my mum let mi go online to do my pw..^.^ veri tired tis two daes..ate some cough and sorehthroat medicine..tink got drowsy effect de..then keep on falling asleep..especially during bio..then physics lecture oso..tink my head nearly fell on my fren's shoulder le..
had bio mock spa todae..it was quite hard..cos need to mash the potato..then the potato so hard de..realise i reali had no energy to even mash the potatos properly..guessed it affected the results..so drew a straight line instead of a curve..sigh..luckily it's a mock spa..but it's oso the oni mock spa we haf before the real one..sigh..reali muz buck up le..
watched superstar yesterdae and todae..the songs were reali veri nice..especially english songs..if you come back by blue..and heaven noes..veri sad song..but yet veri sweet..tink they sang veri well..results coming out at 1130..
hahas..my kor's movie production entered the final's competition..yEa~ =)) and it's held on saturdae at suntec..but my mum dun let mi go cos i'll haf to go for maths tuition..sigh..but you promised le..you'll tell mi the results immediately when it's released..the website is..*~http://www.canon.com.sg/dvfest/bestfilm/film04.htm~*..muz vote for him k..jiayouZ..^-^
yesterdae veri funny..during lunch break angela said if one dae i nv go to school..she will miss mi alot..cos she wont haf anyone to disturb and bluff le..then fiona saes it sounds wrong..hahas..then they sae i veri easy bluff..hahas..no lohz..i still insist i veri clever de..=PP then todae when i said my mum dun stress mi so much le..lyk sometimes let mi go out..then i sae it's becos i grow up le..then angela was gifing mi tat surprised look..hahas..i can protect and take care of myself de k..=PP
dun noe y..feel sad for f though i noe she is okay..sigh..dun worry k..even if anything happens..you'll still haf angela..hailin..ya lolo..ya jiemei..ya nan hua frens..and all ya frens..and mi..coming nj isnt a wrong decision..cos no matter wat happens..we'll be there for ya..take care..*hugs*..

loSt

2005-08-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

*stArrY stArrY nitEz~*

wake Me Up.

~`.children.*~

2005-08-13T11:40:00.000-07:00

todae is a happie dae..=> went to foster parenting todae..for the first time..cos preious times could not go..had to wake up at 6..cos it was situated at yio chu kang which is veri veri far away..hmm..reached there at around 8 ba..then waited for huiying and her frens..hahas..luckily her fren was there early..so at least wasnt tat blur ba..then we went to the country club together where the programme was held..actuali froster parenting is lyk a programme held by social workers and helpers..the children go there once a month to play..where the games are organised by the interact pple..our foster head will ask pple to organise de..the children are special as in their parents are not their natural parents..or tat they come from a family wif a different and unique background..then their parents meanwhile will go for workshops and talks..

so went there...signed in..was put in charge of ushering for abt an hour..to bring the children wif their parents first to their playroom..then the parents to the theatre..was reali quite hectic ba..climbed alot of stairs for many rounds..and needed to rush from one place to another..but the pple are reali nice..veri frendly..then then they will smile and thank you de..but fell again when climbing the stairs..luckily it was oni a small fall ba..tink i shocked the 2 parents i was ushering..but they were veri nice..cos they asked if i was okay..felt so relieved when the ushering was over..cos at least everything went well..

then when to the children area..was in the senior grp..from abt 6 years old onwards..at first was reali at lost of wat to do..so jus sat at the registration wif peixia..then there was another young boy there oso..sitting on the lap of another volunteer..then guan chuan came out wif another young boy..then we started toking ba..they were playing wif our handphones..din reali had any games in my hp..so had to use gprs to let them choose the games they wan..then download for them..tink downloaded abt 6 games ba..sigh..hope my mum wont scold when she recieves the bill..but nvm..it was worth it ba..they reali lyk playing hp games..

the first boy came over..hahas..then started toking and playing wif him ba..his names was wei hong(wh)..cos everyone of them had name tags..then he suddenly said jie jie pretty..hahas..though yupx..it may not be true or anything..hahas..but lyk quite a surprise ba..cos he's lyk so young and ke ai..hahas..^.^ then continued playing board games for quite a period of time..then i tink wh was one of the special case ba..cos he's overactive..cannot stop moving abt de..keep on running abt..then as a result..it happened tat the another volunteer earlier..and guan chuan and mi were incharge of taking care of him..he ran around and even out of the dance studio..then we had to run after him many times..but..hahas..he veri nian2 us oso..he would jus suddenly hold ya hands and sae jie jie..and oso he would jus jump on both of them..call them kor kor..and jus wan them to piggy back him..

later it was reception time le..then wh veri veri nice..he took food for mi..drinks oso..then even helped to clear up..hahas..then he went all the way to take a chicken wing for the social worker..uncle ben..=) after tat..jus stayed around at the dance studio..accompany him..then he would jus suddenly hop on guan chuan or the other volunteer(cos i dun noe his name..) back..then they would tickle him..hahas..then
he laugh until the whole face red le..while he was laughing..cant help but smile..his laughter was lyk so pure and innocent de..so sweet..hahas..so infectious..so ke ai..dun noe how to descibe le..but watching him jus feels veri happie..=))

after tat..at around one..the children went home le..then at the door there..wh said..jie ie i wan to tell you something..i bent down..then he jus gaf a kiss on my cheek..hahas..first kiss on the cheek(except my parents and my sis..) is from a 7 year old child..hahas..=>>

will nv forget todae..when you see them enjoying themselves..see them laugh..you'll feel happie oso..reali a great sense of satisfaction..todae's one of the happiest dae in my life reali..veri sweet..veri touched..looking forward to the next foster parenting..reali hope tat the children can maintian their smiles alwaes..hahas..wan to work in a kindergarden next time..cos the kids are too adorable le..the sweet sweet feeling is still in my heart..(:

thursdae^

2005-08-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

finally fini individual log for pw le..=> phew..was rushing through it yesterdae..but still got alot left..surveys..and most importantly eom..muz rem to bring the pw notes tmr...
after 5 daes of break..it's finally back to school le..hmm..dun feel lyk a thursdae..so fast tmr fridae le..actuali reali looking forward to the weekends..though tis week hasnt been veri hectic..sigh..tmr got astro excursion..to changi beach to view meteor..it ends veri late..tink most of them are staying overnite..but my mum dun allow mi to go as it ends too late..sigh..nv see meteor before..and they sae it can oni be seen at veri dark areas..hope tat perhaps i can see it from my house at nite ba..
feel lyk crying as im typing tis..mayb becos im listening to a sad song ba..alot alot of things..then wat hl said yest..wat angela said todae..it's all so true..but why am i making the same mistake again...
.alone.helpless.scared.

sick ):

2005-08-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

was veri sick yesterdae..fever..headache..sorethroat..was the cip rep..so all the 15 backscratchers for the old folks later were wif mi..actuali thought of bringing them to school first then return home to rest..then my mum reminded mi of my dear neighbour..fiOnA~..hahas..called her..luckily she on her hp..and she went down to my house to bring the backscratchers to school for mi..thanx alot reali..=) hahas..so it's good to haf a classmate who lives in the same block as ya..hahas..but it's so coincidental tat we haf the same name..^.^ i tink tis made alot of ppl confused ba..cos yest nite..kaisiang(one of the interact excos) msg to confirm my scheme and commitee for interact..then he was asking..there is another fiona in 05s20 is it..and he was veri confused..then i tink i mixed up my scheme oso..tot was in funding..as i was part of internal ushers for the interact ceremony..and internal ushers are under funding..but actuali im under club service..then in the end he mixed up our names again..sigh..feel so bad and guilty for the confusion..cos it's alreadi so late at nite and the excos still haf to do all tis..sigh..

my mum brought mi to the doctor at nite..cos din dare to go to the doctor alone in the morning..she said is virus infection again..but she said im going to fall sick..it means tat im going to be even sick soon..sigh..she gaf alot of medicine..antibiotics oso..then haf to finish everything..realised tat it was oni less then a month ago when i fell sick..hmm..now better le..oni slight headache..sorethroat and cough..shd be okay by thursdae ba..=)

my class went to watch charlie and the chocolate factory yesterdae..hahas..alot of pple sae it's nice..then the marshmellows and cotton candies look veri real..:> but i dun tink i'll haf time to watch le..cos left wif oni one dae of holidae..but nvm..save for some other movie next time ba..actuali yesterdae wanted to go watch fireworks de..but i fell sick..watched it last year..though it's oni less than 10 minutes..it's reali worth the wait..veri veri beautiful..but tis year cannot go le..)= happie national dae..actuali todae's oso my dad's bdae..hahas..he so good de..every year during his bdae..it's public holidae..celebrated jus now..went dinner as a whole family..then jus reached home le..my sis and i shared his present..then my mum bought the cake..hahas..though i tink he'll nv ever read tis..but hAppiE bDaE dAddY..hope tat we'll stay happy and strong together as a family foreva..^-^

`haPPY bDaE anGeLa`

2005-08-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

hahas..todae's angela's birthdae..finally arrive le worx..hahas..=P
we planned and decided wat to buy as presents for veri long le..finally got to gif it to her..the main present is in a heart shaped box..tink she'll get a surprise and abit of shock ba when she opens it..=P then during break after gp..we stayed in class to blow her balloons..then one balloon burst when i was holding it..it's the first time a balloon bursts infront of mi..was reali screaming..luckily no one was in the class except fiona and ken..then the worse was another burst when ken was blowing it..we forced angela to take it all the wat to the lt for lecture..hahas..then she keep on saeing she was veri embarrassed..hahas..it was 7 big big balloons..one burst during physics lecture..it was reali veri loud..then the lecturer made a small joke by saeing our dreams burst le..hahas..then the whole lt was laughing..;P we insisted tat angela cannot burst it cos it was blown wif lots of heart and effort..in the end..she finally brought it home le..=>

hahas..now to the most important part..cos it's her bdae todae..her fren..t..told her a week ago tat he will gif her a surprise..then yesterdae..he said the horoscope says tat she muz go to school before 630..but as thursdae is a late dae..she said she'll be going later..then t said actuali is becos he wanted to gif her a present..then the next morning..which is todae..he called her to come down..then the lift reached the ground floor..oni to find him standing there holding a cake..wif candles..her fav harry potter book and a cute bear..then he sang happy bdae song to her..it's so sweet..tink angela reali melt le..it's reali so touching de..t put so much effort to celebrate her bdae..was such a pleasant surprise..then for the whole dae todae..whenever i see angela..i'll be reminded of tis..then will jus cant help but smile to myself..it's reali too sweet le..feel so happy for angela..veri lang4 man4..reali veri veri sweet..=>
hahas..tis muz be a veri memorable bdae for her le ba..finally..once again..happy bdae..and we all luv ya foreva..^-^

aNotHer enTrY*

2005-08-02T06:31:00.000-07:00

veri long nv blog le..cos the com was spolied..finally my uncle repaired it..=>
alot happened last week..on wed i tink..a tree fell and block the road..then all the buses at the bus stop couldnt pass..had to walked to the next bus stop which was veri veri far away..it was raining veri heavily..and din bring umbrella..was prepared to reali run to the bus stop regardless of the rain as it was alreadi quite late..then a minute later..someone appeared and asked..you need umbrella..was reali veri surprised..it was someone from cds ba..then he sheltered mi all the way to the bus stop even though i din noe him at all..was reali veri touched..din reali haf the chance to thank him cos he board the bus immediately after reaching the bus stop..feel so guilty..but reali thank you..thank you..or i would haf reached school drenched..thank you..=)
was so tired tat i fell asleep on the bus..almost oversleep..then someone woke mi up before tat stop..felt so lucky tat dae reali..everyone lyk so nice and helpful..thank you for making my dae..^-^

`iT's sO coLd anD daRk ouTsidE..lYk tHe waY iM feeLinG inSidE...`

^..racial harmony dae..^

2005-07-19T06:08:00.000-07:00

*.bEsT fRenS foRevA.*
~sArEE~

yest was racial harmony..then had to rep the class for the fashion parade..brought the saree..but din noe how to wear..hahas..then sangee helped mi wear it before contact period..she wrapped it veri veri nicely..veri neat..hahas..and it was the first time she tried wearing it for others..all the braclets..necklace.. were oso lent by sangee n divya..thank you..=)
din dare to walk around after wearing it ..cos it was veri pink..thanz sangee for accompanying mi before and during the parade..=> after the parade..it was back to lessons..then fiona hailin dun let mi change back to school uniform..hahas..but before interact meeting..ran to change back before they until it..hahas..=PP
tis thu hafing interact ceremony...hope everything will go well..^-^

physics spa

2005-07-13T23:30:00.000-07:00

had physics spa todae..did the experiment wrongly..was so scared and shocked when mr tay told mi i did it wrongly..but half the time was alreadi gone..so in the end..all my readings were wrong..including the graph..felt numb when the paper was over..reali wanted to cry..but we still had to stay in class as time was not yet over..then in the end went out wif fiona..but din dare to cry infront of her..felt so stupid..the paper was not even hard at all..mr tay even said it was veri easy..then here am i failing everything..and it's included in the alevels..felt tat i disappointed my parents..stupid mi..then hid in the toilet and finally broke down..then when i went back..alot of ppl asked mi if i was alright..stubborn mi..always dun dare to show others my weakness..dun dare to cry infront of anyone..thank you lakshumie..divya..for cheering mi up..it reali did work..felt much better..n fiona..for forcing mi to buy something to eat cos you noe i had gastric..thank you..right now..im still tinking of the practical..angry wif myself..for not being able to do even such a simple prac..sigh..zr n hl..jiayouZ for tmr's prac..be careful k..your can do it de..=>

*i wan to walk in the rain..
so tat no one will noe tat im crying..*

`moNdaE` ^o^

2005-07-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

tired..hahas..slept quite little yesterdae..fell asleep on the bus..luckily din miss my stop...^-^
but the rain was veri heavy..din bring umbrella..so jus ran the all the way back..hahas..was dripping wet when i reached home le..got scolded by my mum cos she was afraid tat i'll get sick again..hahas..dun noe y..but was quite touched..hahas..=>
sigh..hafing physics spa on wed..worried..phy practical has been so hard all the while..hope tat i can fini the experiment..
hope tat angela will get well soon..gal arhz..sick then dun come to school le k..rest at home..rem to eat medicine n rest well k..take care ya..

~*let mi inside ya heart..
make mi stay..
right beside ya*~

scared

2005-07-09T05:38:00.000-07:00

the last 2 entries were actuali from friendster bulletin board..saw tat they were veri sweet so added them in the blog..=)
sigh..the common tests results were reali bad..got second last in class for bio..and mr lee wans to see mi..veri scared tat i will be asked to drop bio..was reali touched when mr lee said tat he will fight for mi if the departments asks mi to drop bio..but i haf to show tat i put in even more effort..if i reali drop bio..my mum is goin to kill mi..sigh..dun dare to tell her tat the teacher wans to see mi..reali lyk bio..but it's jus tat since sec3 till now..all the bio scores were veri bad..sigh..guess i haf to work harder for bio..
went out wif ru yest to west mall..shared mixed veg rice..hahas..it was reali nice..then we sat outside west mall to tok again..it has been so long since we last chat..missed her lots reali..act tinking back..it hasnt been veri long ba..abt a week..but it feels so long..hahas..=P tok abt alot of things..but the main thing was still abt common tests ba..could tell she was veri disappointed..din noe exactly how to comfort her...except listen to her feelings ba..hope she's better now le..ru..dun feel sad k..we pia for promos yahx..i decided le..one dae we go out n do work..zip our mouth and dun tok k..then wont distracted le..=P dun sad le ya..wan to see the happy ru again..take care~..
then later went to lot one wif hl..and we saw mr low..our previous pe teacher..then he was askin y i looked so tired..perhaps it's due to the long dae in school ba..so many lectures..double gp period..n even chem prac..sigh..luckily it's weekend le..but it's lyk endin soon..few hours later..it'll be sundae again..sigh..muz treasure tis short weekend..
lost..reali lost..veri confused..sometimes i feel veri stupid..i cant seem to understand c..everythin is so complicated..and it's startin to affect mi..from the start..everythin has not been clear..till now..things haf not changed..scared..im fallin n fallin..and i noe tat no one can save mi anymore..not even cra..

^lovE^

2005-07-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

If you're afraid to love a person because of
friendship, you have two choices: either tell what
you feel and let the love take place or hide the
feeling under a friendship full of pretensions.

It's hard for two people to love each other when
they live in two different worlds but when these
two worlds collide and become one, that's what you
call magic!

Love can never be so beautiful without friendship.
One leads to another and the process is
irreversible. The best of lovers is the greatest
of friends!

I like you because you're my friend, and because
you are my friend I care, and because I care, I
love you.
I don't love you because you are my friend, I love
you because I do!

Sometimes I've asked myself, what would make me
happy? To think that I have everything else, I get
what I want. Then I realized it was YOU, too bad
'cause it's you i can't have. I can't choose who
I'm gonna love, but I also can't love who chooses
to love me.

And you can't blame me in choosing to love you as
much as I can't blame you for not learning to love
me. I'm sorry if you can't love me the way you
loved the one before me, so I'll let you go find
him/her and hope someday you'll see that the one
true love you're looking for was the one who set
you free.

"How can I say goodbye to someone I never had?
Why do tears fall for someone who was never
mine?
Why is that I miss someone I was never with and I
ask
why I love someone who's love was never mine?"

Isn't it funny we're trying to catch the attention
of the one we think we love; we hardly notice the
one we're really looking for was just there. You
don't notice them 'till they are in the arms of
someone else.

Food for thought, think of this:
Have you really cared for someone more than you
expected?

Have you ever tried to love him/her despite of all
the pain?

Will you keep on loving him/her as he/she whispers
someone else's name?
Will you?

It's better to lose your pride with someone you
love rather than lose that someone you love with
your useless pride. When you love someone, don't
expect that person to love you back the same
amount. One of you will be head, the other behind.
It's either you catch up or the other waits.

When you love, you must not accept anything in
return, for if you do, you're not loving but
Investing.

If you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for
if you expect happiness, you're not loving but
using. True love hears what is not spoken, and
understands what is not explained, for love
doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind, but in
the heart...

Love is like standing on wet cement, the longer
you stay the harder it is to leave and you can
never go without leaving your prints behind.

Don't love a person like a flower, because a
flower dies
in season.

Love them like a river because a river flows forever.

Love doesn't have to have a happy ending, 'cause
love doesn't have to end at all.

Never be afraid to fall in love. It may hurt a
lot, it may give you aches and pains, but if you
don't follow your heart, in the end you will cry
even more for not giving love a chance.

Love may leave your heart like shattered glass,
but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be
willing to endure the pain of picking up the
pieces so you could be whole again.

The cruelest thing a guy could do to a girl is to
let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to
catch her fall!

`i miss ya`

2005-07-08T08:15:00.000-07:00

Missing someone is a terrible but at the same
time, sweet feeling.

U will be sitting around wondering if u
meant
anything to him.
Thinking if he ever cares about u.

Rushing to the phone once it rings
hoping that it's him.

Looking out of the window hoping that
he will surprise u by appearing downstairs.

Sitting in front of the television but thinking of
him missing the final episode of your
favourite show.

Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time u
went out with him.

Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars
again, talking about everything, your dreams,
plans, future.

Logging on to the internet hoping to see him online.

When u realise that he isn't online and did not
return your page, u will start worrying if he is okay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess.
It exposes u to loneliness.
It teaches u how to cope with being
lonely and let u know that there is actually a feeling
known as emptiness. It feels good to miss
someone but sometimes it hurts.

U know that u really care and u indulge in the
feeling of loving/caring for him.

But missing someone and not knowing if he is
feeling the same is terrible. U feel as if u are being
left alone. So if u miss someone, tell him and
let them know.

At the same time, ask if they miss u.

Don't let the feeling of missing someone become
jealousy or paranoid.
If u are the one being missed and u know it, let the
other party know.
=>

~iNitiaL D~

2005-07-03T08:20:00.000-07:00

my mum's bdae todae..^.^ went for lunch at a japanese restaurant then watched initial d..yeA..finally got to watch..the movie was reali veri nice..anticipated watchin it since the hols..then now could finally watch it...
it was agreat show reali...n there was jAY chOu in it..hahas..imagine 1 and a half hours of watchin jay chou in the movie..he's so cool..n shuai..hahas..he reali rawks..^-^
the end..jay chou did manage to win the competition..and pursue his dreams..his car racing...but the sad part was tat..he din get to be wif the gal he lyk..actuali they could haf been together..cos she alreadi decided to be wif him..but jus becos of a sudden twist of fate..they could not b together..it's so sad de..cried abit for tat part..then din dare to let my mum see..so quickly turn away le..sigh..n after watching..it made mi promise myself to treasure more the people who are around mi...
almost midnite le..nitEz..=>

~icEcreAm~

2005-06-30T07:25:00.000-07:00

You Are Strawberry Ice Cream

A bit shy and sensitive, you are sweet to the core.
You often find yourself on the outside looking in.
Insightful and pensive, you really understand how the world works.
You are most compatible with chocolate chip ice cream.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

hahas..did tis personality tests cos reali feel lyk eatin icecream...finally..the common tests are over..sigh..the midyear is so hard..reali hope tat at least i can pass..mum askin mi to go for tuition le..and yeA~..four daes hol..hahas...goin out wif zhiru n huiling tmr..it has been long since we last went out together le..hope tat it will be fun tmr...^v^

*-kor..if you are readin tis..jus rem you owe mi a pink colour but not strawberry flavoured icecream..sobz..='( hahas..nvm de..you still haf ya bdae prez wif mi..shall gif it to ya one dae..take care k..n all the best for ya common tests oso..jiayouX-* ^.^

^pErsoNaliTy tEstS^

2005-05-25T01:25:00.000-07:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Birthdate: October 20

Your birth on the 20th day of the month adds a degree of emotion, sensitivity, and intuition to your reading.

The 2 energy provided here is very social, allowing you to make friends easily and quickly.

Yet you are apt to have a rather nervous air in the company of a large group.

You have a warmhearted nature and emotional understanding that constantly seeks affection.

You are very prone to become depressed and moody, as emotions can turn inward and cause anxiety and mental turmoil.

It can be hard for you to bounce back to reality when depression sets in.

When things are going well, you can go just as far the other way and become extremely affectionate.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

tink tis test is quite true..hahas..and it was true for my frens too..hmm..your can go the the website to try out...
*~http://www.blogthings.com~*

lAst wEek sChooL...

2005-05-24T00:40:00.000-07:00

it has been a long time since i last blogged..sigh..feel bad for not updating my blog regularly..but the workload seems to be getting heavier and heavier..reali look forward to the arrival of holidaes..although there will still be makeup lessons and homework..at least it will be a break from the hectic school life...=)

tink i'll not be able to sleep early tonight..there's still pw proposal to be done by tmr..dawn..val and michelle are in the group..dun noe y..but i look forward to working wif them and completing the proposal...

reali lyk astro alot alot..mayb it's becos i lyk stars..hahas..watched movie last fri..it was a movie abt astronaut visitng other planets...it's a real record of the entire process..hahas..watched half tat dae..and we'll be continuing it tis fri..during the movie..siangyong chingli ang xinhui were veri nervous..we were all afraid tat the astronauts would die..but until tis half of the show..they are still safe and sound..yea~..hahas..hope tat they will survived the whole journey..looking forward to astro..^.^

angela was playin a dice game wif us todae..it's called petals around the rose..she said tat the clever you are..the longer you'll take to solve the puzzle..hahas..she took abt a week..haix..most of them solve it le...sam..zihao..hailin..lakshumie..keesok..haix..left oni a few i tink..i hope i can solve it soon..hahas..but mayb i tink my level of intelligence too high le...hahas..so i shall take years to solve it..hahax..=Pp

tmr they are having student council invest..hope everything goes well for zhiru..and she can finally take a break after everything is over...sigh..havin physics prac tmr..but it well be the oni lesson we are having besides pw...sigh..quite worried for the chemistry spa tis fri..and it's skill c n d..did badly for bio spa..hope i wont fail tis..felt veri helpless when i saw chooisum feelin sad over her bio spa..accompanied her for a period of time..but i knew tat she was still feeling sad over it..sigh..cheer up yahx..=) hope tat everyone will do well for chem spa...=D

sick =(

2005-04-23T06:54:00.000-07:00

sigh...sick again..tis time it's reali bad...fever n headache n gastric...
didnt get to see the meteor..fell asleep at 2am...then woke up at 430..but it was over le...sigh..regretted cos it was the peak of meteor showers yesterdae...
my gastric is reali bad now...went to kap yest again after astro..alot of ppl always ask y i join astro..it's becos i lyk stars ba..jus enjoy the feelin of sittin down n watchin stars wif frens..hahax..=)
the workload is gettin higher nowadaes..feelin tired everydae..sometimes i reali look forward to the weekends when i can reali reali rest...
all the best for the council elects...=) zhiru..dun worry yahx...you can do it de..muz haf more confidence in yourself k...
dun noe y..but kind of lookin forward to school...hahas..hope i can make it to school on mon...=)

rvCo fOreVa evEr...

2005-04-21T00:31:00.000-07:00

has been quite long since i updated...sigh..was sick on tue...fever..then now still hafin cough n cold..sigh..hope i wont spread to my frens...managed to pass my napfa..all thanks to sangee..fiona..hailin..lakshumie..divya..etc..thanx alot for encouragin mi for my standin board junp even after so many tries..thank you..=)

sigh..rvco got a gold..the pressure was veri high for them...cos all the rest of the cultural groups..dance..band..choir got gold..so the expectations were reali high..n hey said they lost becos they overshot the timin..thus 10% was deducted...couldnt go becos of lessons..n they were cryin...sigh..reali dun noe how to cheer them up...i'll go back on sat if they haf practise...cheer up k...dun tink so much le..your tried your best...reali...rvco rawks foreva....

wEEkenD~

2005-04-16T00:16:00.000-07:00

second entry le..=) hahas..finally an entire week it's over and it's the weekend again...hmm..suddenly feel tat there is a huge pile of homework..feel stressed..sigh..hope tat i can fini everythin tis weekend...
luv my class alot...tink tat they are veri nice...may b tat's wat make mi feel lyk goin to sch ba..was reali tired on fri..fell asleep durin most of the lessons...cos the previous nite was tokin to my kor n was doin my work..so ended up sleepin at 2 plus..sigh..realised i sleep less than 6 hours everydae...sigh..haf to sleep more le..
had the 2.4 run last thu..managed to pass...thanx alot peiying...for running wif mi...n for encouragin mi..if not for you..i would not haf managed to pass..thanx alot alot..=) hafin the five stations next week..sigh..quite worried tat i'll not make it for the standin board jump...hope tat i can pass..and jiayouX too..for those who haven take the test..=)
thanx alot huiling..for helpin mi in tis blog...thanx alot alot...=)) went to kap again wif zhiru n yulei...then yulei left early becos of her curfew...then shortly both of us left le...hahas..dun noe y..but i enjoy goin to astro..esp durin the observations ba...tat nite was oso lyin at the grandstand wif zhiru...n lookin up at the sky while tokin..hahas..yupx..it's reali veri nice..but there were no stars...cos it was rainin tat nite...
hahas..i tink i veri naggy arhx..always write so long...all the best yahx..for those hafin their sc campiagn next week...dun worry zhiru..you can do it de...n rest well k..you seem so tired everydae...n thanx alot mini kor...for ya msg...was reali touched when i recieved it...take care ya...
it's midnite le..tired...nitEx*~...=)

*stArrY stArrY nitEz~*